Broken Spirits and Bodies
by Leonardo1885
Summary: Tag to Tales of Leo. I decided to try my hand at getting under the other turtles shells and write from their point of view on an episode that focused on Leo. Seeing what happened through their eyes. Lots of angst. Hurt/Leo
1. Chapter 1

I decided to to write a tag to the 2003 Ninja Turtles TV Series because I thought it would be interesting to see it from different turtles and Splinter's point of views as the episode basically centers around Leo. So I'm planning on doing a chapter frome each turtle's perspective, if you like it let me know and I'll write the next chapter.

Tag to Tales of Leo

Chapter 1: Donatello

I could feel the shock slowly setting in, although I was not oblivious to what had happened. How could anyone be oblivious to how abruptly things could change. The orange flames curled up and out of the windows of what remained of April's home, the black smoke billowing thickly and clogging up the air. I shifted my weight a little, readjusting my position so I could hold onto my brother better.

Leo's limp arm was drapped over my shoulders, his other arm drapped over Mikey's shoulders. His body suspended between the two of us he held none of his own weight. His head had dropped so low his chin was practically touching his plastron and his eyes were closed, his breathing shallow.

Behind us April sobbed softly, then lifted her hands up to her face as the tears came faster. Casey placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and she turned towards him automatically, burying her face against his chest and cried harder. In an automatic gesture of care Casey wrapped his arms around her back, bringing her closer to his body. His face for once serious and somber.

"Forgive me, Ms. O'Neil," Splinter said softly, although I'm not sure if April could hear him over the scream of the sirens, the roar of the fire, or her own sobs. "But we must leave the past behind for now, if we are to have a future."

I looked at my brother who was so still beside me, and I felt anxiety creep up inside of me. Leo was never just still, Leo was always moving. Save for those hours he spent in meditation, but even then Leo had more life in him then he did now. This bruised, battered, and broken turtle I held against me had no resemblence to my brother. To the one who always knew what to do, who always had a plan. On the other side of my I could see my own anxiety mirrored on Mikey's face. It seemed incredulous that just a few hours ago Mikey had been his bubbly happy go lucky self and now he looked so devestated and worried. He was looking at Leo too, and he shifted his own body a little so he could take more of Leo's weight off of me. "

Leonardo is badly injured," Splinter continued his voice still as calm, although I'm sure my brothers could make out the worried tone that was hidden under the calm ficade, because I could. "And needs a safe place to heal."

"What about the lair?" Mikey suggested as he looked up from Leo's bruised and battered face. His eyes shifted anxiously from Splinter to Leo again. I wanted to shake my head, but resisted the urge.

"Shredder has a whole ninja army down in the sewers, remember?" I pointed out. We couldn't hope to be so lucky that Shredder had called off his army down in the sewers to join in the fight at April's. No doubt they'd still be combing the sewers for us. Although they wouldn't find anything, that at least I was sure of. "And we're in no shape to fight." I added on as a second thought.

My body was so heavy and exhausted at this point I doubt I could have fought off a fly, let alone a foot ninja. I could already feel some of the bruises where I'd taken the worst hits, and I'm sure my brothers were feeling the same. Besides that we were one brother down, and despite what Raph might think sometimes, we were stronger as a team. We needed Leo to be with us when we faced the Shredder again.

"Hey, we don't run from nobody," Raph barked as he punched his palm with his fist. I repressed an eyeroll. Much like Leo Raph was rarely still. You'd be more likely to find him practicing with his wooden dummy and punching bag then anywhere else in the lair. But unlike Leo, who trained so hard because he was dedicated to ninjitsu, Raph fought just because he loved to fight. His hot headedness was always getting him into trouble, usually taking us along with him. This time seemed no different. Despite that we'd just had our shells handed to us he was ready to go again. He wouldn't take this defeat lightly.

"And yet we must," Splinter intervined as he placed a hand on Raph's fist. Raph looked down at him and dropped his hands, his eyes softening and I could see the worry that had lingered behind the anger.

April turned then, more tears spilling down her cheeks. "But where?"

Casey looked up from April's red hair, his blue eyes calculating as he looked at Splinter then back to the remains of April's home as the flames started to die down and the billows of smoke began to clear out. "Fellas I know just the place."

* * *

Raph paced the length of the alley while we waited for Casey to get back with transportation. Mikey and I had taken Leo to the most protected spot we could find and had laid him down, hovering over him anxiously while keeping an eye out for any returning foot soilders, anxiety making the minutes drag on. April was sitting on an empty orange crate while Splinter leaned against the far alley wall, his eyes on Leo's perfectly still form. I was getting edgy Casey had been gone for almost half an hour now, and he'd promised to be back in twenty. What if there were more foot soilders out there and they found Casey alone? My stomach twisted at the thought.

"How's Leo doing?" April asked from her orange crate her voice sounding somewhat dead.

"Not good," I answered from my crouched position at Leo's side. His pulse was there and he was breathing on his own but neither one of them was comforting. His breathing was shallow and his pulse thready and erratic. Neither one a good sign, I bit my lip as I turned towards the head of the alley, hoping to see Casey arrive. I wasn't disappointed. A long light red, almost pink, colored car arrived just outside the alley and it was pulling a large trailer with no windows. Clearly our mode of transportation. It wasn't the Battleshell but at times like these we couldn't afford to be picky.

Mikey reached under Leo's right arm while I reached under the left and together we pulled him to his feet. Leo made no noise nor did he help us. He was too far gone and that worried me further. Casey hurried around the car and pulled open the passenger seat for April. She sat inside the warm car and wrapped her arms tightly around herself, frowning at the dashboard as Casey shut her door and hurried around to the back of the trailer. He unlocked the door and pulled open both doors for us, making it easier for us to manuever Leo inside.

Raph and Splinter climbed in first, then turned quickly and each grabbed one of Leo's arms, pulling him in with them. Mikey and I lifted Leo's legs so they wouldn't bump against the edge of the trailer then climbed in after them. It was cold inside the trailer and I frowned as I wrapped my arms around myself while sitting down next to Splinter, trying not to think of the long ride we had ahead of us in this thing.

"Oh, I almost forgot," Casey said as he quickly disappeared again. I could hear his shoes hit the asphalt as he hurried up to the car again.

A door opened then slammed shut almost immediately, then Casey was back with a bundle of blankets in his arms. He handed one to each of us then with an apologetic smile closed the doors and we heard the slight click of the lock before Casey's feet were once again walking past the trailer. I took my own purple blanket and wrapped it around my shoulders, crossing it across my plastron and hoped that I would be able to keep it warm enough on my own. Being cold blooded sucks sometimes. Splinter draped one blanket over Leo, then to my surprise added his own blanket to the first and pulled both up tight around Leo's shoulders. Then Splinter sat on his knees with Leo's head on his lap, one hand on Leo's forehead. He was frowning at something, although I wasn't sure what.

Raph and Mikey sat on the oppoiste side of Leo's prone body, both of them had their blankets wrapped tightly around them as well. We heard the engine of the older car start, smelt the bitter fumes of the exhaust, and then the lurch of the trailer as we started out of the city.

It was anything but comfortable, we could feel every bump in the road, every imperfection and every break that Casey made as he drove. Leo's body rocked gently, but his face remained empty and still, and Splinter would occasionally lift his hand and place it on Leo's forehead, his frown deepening every time he did. We were all silent, none of us had anything to say. We were all worried. Worried about the future, about Shredder, but mostly about Leo. After what seemed like a really long time Mikey finally broke the silence.

"Man, it sucks being cold-blooded." He was shivering despite the blanket and his teeth were chattering. Raph sat silently beside him, his eyes focused on Leo. He wasn't shivering, but he wasn't comfortable either.

I felt like shivering myself I was so cold. But I didn't, I simply wrapped the blanket tighter around myself and felt my stomach tighten with anxiety at what I was about to ask, knowing I didn't want to ask but needing to know the answer. Just like I knew my brothers were waiting for the same answer. "Is he gonna make it, Sensei?" My voice was just short of cracking as I stared down at Leo's unresponsive body.

Splinter, who had had his hand on Leo's forehead again looked worried as he pulled the blankets tighter around Leo's shoulders. "Only time will tell."

That wasn't the answer I wanted, and it definitely wasn't the answer my brothers were looking for. A creased formed on Mikey's forehead and he frowned, Raph scowled at the trailer wall behind Splinter's head, his shoulders trembling under his blanket. I dropped my gaze back to Leo and pleaded silently with my brother that he wouldn't give up.

* * *

I don't remember how long it was after that but suddenly the trailer shifted as Casey turned, and then we were in for a few very uncomfortable minutes as we bounced along an uneven and snow covered road. Then abruptly we came to a stop and Casey's old car died at once. Two car doors opened and slammed almost at the same time, and my family and I waited while Casey came around to the trailer to let us out.

Raph was already in motion, standing up and releasing his hold on the blanket. He was glaring at the trailer doors, his hands balled into fists and his jaw clenched tight. After a few seconds we heard the unmistakable sound of a key in a lock and then the doors swung open, bringing with them a draft of icy cold air that made me wish I had a fur coat like Splinter's. Splinter pulled the blankets tighter around Leo again and reached for the blanket Raph had discarded, adding that to the pile covering Leo. Raph jumped out of the trailer at once and glared around at our new temporary home, his eyes scanning the far distant trees and then he turned back to face us, his stance still tense.

"April's fixin' up a place on the couch for Leo," Casey said as Mikey jumped out of the trailer next to Raph, but unlike Raph Mikey looked excited about his new surroundings, a little bit of his perky personality coming back, something he couldn't suppress.

"Michelangelo," Splinter said in a tone that instantly drew Mikey's attention. We all knew that tone well, the no-nonsense tone that Splinter used when something needed to be done quickly and for a reason. We hadn't heard that tone for a long time. "Go help Mr. Jones get wood for a fire."

"Right, Sensei," Mikey said without question. Casey looked at him, then Leo and he frowned, worried creases appeared around his eyes and mouth. "Wood shed is this way," Casey said quickly. Then he led the way with Mikey right beside him.

"Raphael, Donatello, help me get your brother into the house." Splinter spoke to us in the same tone. I nodded quickly then dropped my blanket and joined Raph outside the trailer. Splinter grunted as he lifted Leo's head and shoulders off the trailer floor, but he never wavered as he pulled Leo to where Raph and I stood. Raph and I were easily able to balance Leo's weight between the two of us, each of us grabbing one of his shoulders and holding onto him while Splinter gently manuvered Leo out of the trailer. Then the three of us carried Leo inside.

April was at the fireplace, crouched down on the dirty floor and trying to open the floo. There was a large moth-eaten looking couch against one wall, and it had a thick blanket already waiting for us. Raph, Splinter and I carefully settled Leo down onto the couch and covered him up with the blanket. Leo still didn't react, his face was calm, almost peaceful. And I'd believe it if it weren't for all the bruises and cuts that decorated his face. I bit my lip and grabbed Leo's hand and my eyes widened in surprise when I felt how icy cold Leo was, even compared to my skin. I had been very cold in the trailer on the ride up, but this was different. Leo's hand was limp beneath mine, and his fingers were freezing. I looked up at Splinter terrified, and saw the same fear reflected in his eyes. So this was what Splinter had been so worried about earlier. Why the worried creases had deepened every time he'd rested his hand on Leo's forehead. Leo's body temperature had been dropping. A normal reaction when a cold-blooded creature encountered a cold enviornment, but Leo's body temperature was dropping below what was even normal for that. It was worrying, if Leo's temperature was dropping it could mean serious internal damage, internal bleeding even, and so his heart wasn't pumping enough blood to keep his body warm. Or it could simply mean that his body was shutting down. The body can only take so much abuse before it begins to shut down, and who knew what had really happened to Leo out there.

He'd been alone facing who knows how many foot soldiers. The fact that he was covered with bruises and cuts, all over his body told us that Leo had not just run away from the foot. He'd fought as hard as he could, and I'm sure he'd been trying his best to get back to us at the same time. I knew that Leo took long runs every morning, he'd been doing it for years, adding it to our regular training schedule. One time I'd accompanied him and had quickly found out that Leo didn't just go for a run around the block before calling it quits he went for miles. Always increasing the distance little by little each morning. So who knows how far away he'd been when he'd been attacked. If he'd had a shell cell on him he would've called, so obviously he'd been alone, alone and outnumbered, outmatched even, but he never gave up. That just wasn't Leo. Leo would fight until he dropped, which this time he obviously had. Or rather had been pushed. I had no doubt in my mind that it hadn't been Leo's idea to fly through that window.

At that moment Mikey and Casey returned, both of them carrying an arm full of firewood.

"So the place could use a little fixn' up, the place got a little run down after Grandma passed away," Casey was saying.

April succeeded in opening up the floo and a cascade of dirt and soot fell into the room. April got a face full of it and leaned back a little in shock, Casey and Mikey who had been standing closer to the fireplace than the rest of us started in shock for a minute before Mikey coughed.

"When was that? In the late Jurassic?"

"Dude, you live in a sewer," Casey snapped back irritably. Mikey narrowed his eyes and clutched the firewood a little closer to his plastron.

I sighed quietly to myself and tightened my hold on Leo's hand, squeezing his limp fingers. And much to my surprised Leo groaned quietly, at once the room fell silent as everyone turned to the couch to look at Leo, all of their eyes open in surprise and concern and all of them holding their breath, waiting to see if Leo would wake. But it was a false hope. Leo fell silent again and was still.

* * *

Splinter didn't want Leo to be left alone while we got the house set up a little to make our stay more comfortable. Casey managed to start a fire and the room began to warm, April took the bag of groceries Casey had picked up into the kitchen and had started to make something for us to eat. But even the smell of Italian sauce and melting cheese didn't make me feel remotely hungry. Raph was standing a few feet away, glowering at the couch, his hands crossed over his chest. He blinked slowly and matched his breathing to Leo's. I knew what he was waiting for but I didn't think he'd get it. Leo was too far gone at the moment.

April brought out a hot pizza less than half an hour later, I wasn't really in the mood for food, and I could tell from my brothers' expressions that they weren't either. But a sharp look from Splinter had us all reluctantly reaching for a slice. It tasted like ash and slid down my throat grudgingly. I managed half of it before I couldn't eat anymore. Even Mikey, who normally ate more than any of us, was barely touching his slice. Splinter said nothing as most of the pizza went untouched, he himself hadn't had anything.

Casey took the remains of the pizza and the garbage back into the kitchen and then we all gathered around Leo to wait. As the day wore on I could see Raph getting more tense. His muscles began to bunch and the skin around his mouth pinched as he scowled. A vein on his neck bulged and his hands curled and uncurled into fists. I could understand how helpless he felt, and how frustrating it was to sit around and wait.

Splinter was at Leo's head again, every once in a while placing a hand on Leo's brow to check his temperature. Leo never stirred, never showed the slightest sign that he knew we were there. So it was understandable when long after night fall Raph lost his patience. I heard the crack of bone against drywall as Raph punched the wall to release some bottled up frustration. I looked up from Leo's relaxed face to stare at my overly-taxed and very stressed out brother.

"Why won't he wake up?" Raph growled through clenched teeth. He was glaring at Leo as though expecting Leo to react to those words and wake up just because Raph was willing him to.

"Healing takes time," Splinter said calmly as he placed his hand on Leo's forehead yet again. I'd lost track of how many times he'd done that today. "And Leonardo is recovering from more than just physical wounds, his spirit has also been greviously injured."

_His spirit_? I was surprised at that. But as I looked down at my unconscious brother I realized that Splinter was probably right. Leo was not one who usually struggled with anything, but loosing a fight as bad as he did today, that would be enough to break anyone. And Leo _was_ broken.

"Do you think he can hear us?" I wondered, remembering something I'd read about comatose people being able to hear their loved ones.

"Perhaps," Splinter said doubtfully, but he lifted his hand from Leo's head and stepped aside, allowing me to drop on my knees next to the couch.

"Hey, Leo. It's me Don," I said being very aware of almost everyone's eyes on me. It made me a little self conscious but I ignored that. "Listen, you're going to pull through this. I know you are."

He had to pull through this, there was no way we'd survive without our big brother. Sure all of my brothers could be pains in the shell sometimes. But we were a family, a team, if we lost just one member of that team we wouldn't make it. Especially not without Leo. His level-headedness and leadership skills kept us working well as a unit in combat. I felt my insides tighten at the thought that I could be watching my brother die right now. I swallowed and continued.

"You have to," I said forcing my voice not to crack as I put emotion behind those simple words. "You know what kind of trouble we'd get into without you." Did I really even need to tell my brother this? Surely he knew how many times he'd saved our shells. Leo was always there for us, always had our backs. But even as I looked at him now I could see that my words had no impact on him. I wracked my brain quickly, trying to think of something that would back up my words. But where to start? And then it hit me. "Like, remember the time I built that remote control car?" I asked him remembering all too clearly just how close I'd come to death that day, even back when we were toddlers Leo was looking out for us.

* * *

"You really came through for me that day, Leo," I said finishing my story. Leo's face remained unchanged and that worried me. Although his breathing didn't seem quite so labored now. I felt a little relief, maybe he had heard my story and would know we needed him to keep fighting.

"You always do," I continued putting faith behind those words. "And I know you will again."

"Huh," Raph said sarcastically from behind me. Surprised I turned around to stare at him. "Looks like you've got him hanging on your every word, Don."

I glared at him, but then turned surprised when Leo groaned and turned his head on his pillow. He seemed to be fighting to wake up, but then he relaxed again. I could feel the surprise on my face, and I'm sure it was mirrored on everyone else's faces as well.

"Hey, I think he heard ya, Raphie," Casey said in stunned surprise.

"Maybe talking to him does help," April said her voice full of hope.

"It is said that the voice of a loved one can help guide a lost spirit back to it's home." Splinter said calmly.

"You mind if I take a crack at it?" Mikey asked almost hesitantly. I immediately jumped up and moved out of the way to give Mikey space next to Leo. I watched biting my lip while Raph glared at the floor and Mikey stared intently at Leo.

"Listen, bro, just like concentrate on my voice. Come on, Leo, you know how focused you get when you set your mind on something." Mikey said firmly. I watched Leo and waited while Mikey began his story.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks guys for the reviews and support for chapter one. This is my first ever Turtle fic, so I'm a little nervous about how this is going to turn out. I'm also trying hard not to be too repetitive as this is just the same story over and over from different turtles/Splinter's point of view, but I've discovered that it might be a little hard and some parts are going to be repeated no matter what because those scenes are important. I hope you'll bear with me and not get too bored with it. So here is chapter 2, and it is unfortunately all the time I have to write for this story right now as I'm moving in a few days and still need to get some packing done. I'll write again if I have time if you guys want me to continue this story, I really appreciate everyone who takes the time to leave reviews, so thanks for that. If you want me to continue on with Raph, and Splinter let me know and I'll get back to work on it when I can. If you guys want me to stop here because it is getting too boring with repetitive scenes, then I'll understand about that too. Thanks again for reading.

* * *

Chapter 2: Michelangelo

_The large hand on the clock continued to move steadily around the clock face, and the loud tick-tock of the clock echoed around the quiet room. My brothers and I were all looking worriedly at the clock, Raph punching his fist into his palm, Donny was rubbing his chin thoughtfully. I scratched my head as I tried to remember the last time Leo's morning run had lasted this long, but couldn't recall any._

_ I turned to my brothers, who were just as worried as I was as well as Master Splinter and April. "Guys, I'm really starting to get worried." I said as I tried not to look at the clock again. "Leo should've checked in by now."_

_"I know this is a first," Don agreed with me as he reached for his bo staff where he'd set it a while ago. His hand curled around the worn wood and he stared intently at Raph. "But I'm thinking Mikey's right." _

_"Master Splinter?" Raph asked as he turned to our sensei. It hadn't been the first time that Raph had wanted to go after Leo this morning, but this time his tone was different, and I understood why. The situation had changed - before it was mere impatience, now it was deeply rooted worry that spurred him to go out looking for our oldest brother. _

_Master Splinter sighed as he looked down at his hands. Then he looked up at us, his eyes echoing our own worry. "Go." _

_"Geez," I muttered as I rubbed the back of my neck and started to follow my brothers. "What if something really happened to him?" _

_And then my world came crashing down around me as the big bay window behind us shattered. My brothers and I flinched and turned automatically just in time to see Leo turn himself in midair and land on his shell with a cry of pain pushing past his lips as the air was pushed out of his lungs upon impact. Then he was still._

The scene played over and over in my mind and I tried to push it back, wishing I could forget those few horrible minutes that had shaken me to my core. I shivered and wrapped the blanket more tightly around myself as I stared down at Leo and tried to ignore how cold it was in this dark trailer we were all sitting in. Beside me Raph was sitting perfectly still, his eyes narrowed and focused on Leo's relaxed and unresponsive face. He didn't even seem aware of the cold. I shivered harder and felt the cold seeping into my legs where they touched the trailer floor and it seemed to spread throughout my whole body. My fingers were numb and I could barely feel my toes. Across from me Splinter sat with Leo's head on his lap, his hand on Leo's forehead and Don sat next to them, his forehead wrinkled in worry.

"Man it sucks being cold-blooded," I complained as another violent shiver wracked my body. I didn't know how long we'd been in this stupid trailer, but it had felt like forever and I doubted that I'd ever feel warm again. Raph shifted a little bit closer to me, the movement so small I wouldn't have noticed it except that I could feel his body press up against mine a little. He hadn't shifted his gaze from Leo and I could tell that my brothers and I were all thinking the same thing.

Was Leo going to make it? I wanted to hit myself on the head. Of course he was. This was _Leo_ we were talking about. Our often times stubborn and bossy '_fearless leader' _as Raph liked to call him. There was no way that Leo was going to give up. But he was so still... I shivered again and tried to ignore the fact that Leo looked like he was half dead already. Tried to ingore how limp he'd felt as he'd been half draped across my shoulders while Don and I had kept him upright after getting him out of April's exploding shop. How he hadn't moved or made a sound since pushing that display case between Master Splinter and Shredder.

"Is he gonna make it, Sensei?" Donnie asked hesitantly, his voice just shy of cracking as he looked at Leo pleadingly.

I could feel Raph tense up beside me and I held my breath waiting for the answer that I wasn't sure I really wanted to hear. If Leo didn't make it - how would the rest of us survive without him? We needed Leo, he was our brother. A vital piece of our lives and this team. We wouldn't be able to function without him, of that I was positive.

Splinter's worried eyes didn't look away from Leo's face as he reached down and pulled the blankets he'd covered our brother with earlier, tighter around Leo's shoulders. "Only time will tell." He said solemnly.

I felt my stomach drop at those four words. _Only time will tell?_ What the shell was that supposed to mean? Leo wasn't going to give up on us! Leo didn't know the meaning of the word quit. He didn't know how to give up. He was just as stubborn as Raph was always perfecting his ninjitsu skills, pushing himself to be the best that he could, unwilling to stop trying just because he didn't perfect something the first time. That wasn't Leo. He'd pull through this. I was sure of it.

But the bleakness of my brothers and my father told me that they weren't at all sure if they really agreed with me. I suppressed another shiver and stared hard at my unconscious brother. Willing him to keep fighting, to not give up, and to prove me right.

* * *

I wasn't quite sure how long it was after that, but it seemed to be a really long time before the trailer shifted and the ride became a lot bouncier for us. Probably because Leo's condition continued to deteriorate while we watched helpless, unable to do anything to help him in our current situation. The winding road made our bodies shift and bounce against each other. I cringed as Raph slid into me, a point on one of his sais poked into the tender flesh of my leg. But I ignored it as the trailer shifted again and then abruptly came to a halt. The engine was cut off quickly and then we only had to wait a few seconds before we heard the car doors open and then shut again quickly.

I heard the crunch of the snow under someone's feet as they walked away, and I was pretty sure it was April. Because I heard someone heavier stumble a little as they made their way around to the trailer to open the doors for us to get out. Beside me Raph was already in motion, he tossed his blanket off his shoulders and stood up to face the trailer doors, his body curled in on itself, his shoulders hunched, his hands balled into fists. His usual stance when he was angry - or ready to fight with someone. The key turned in the lock and then the doors swung open.

Casey stepped aside as Raph leapt quickly out of the trailer, his eyes narrowed as he glared around at our new surroundings. I could see the woods that surrounded the house, the dark shadows that tangled together because the trees were so close. The air outside was frigid, but I ignored that as I too jumped from the trailer, and looked around. I took in the tired looking farm house and the rickety old barn. A shutter had fallen from one of the windows and was now lying in a bank of snow.

"Michelangelo," Splinter called after me, immediately claiming my attention with his tone. I suppressed the urge to go exploring the woods and turned back to him. "Go help Mr. Jones get wood for a fire."

Right, a fire. Take care of Leo. I nodded. "Right, Sensei," I said then looked expectantly at Casey.

Casey looked at Leo and frowned, worried creases forming around his mouth and eyes. "Wood shed is this way," he said quickly turning back to look at me.

I followed his lead as he strolled towards the barn his boots crunching loudly in the hard snow. My feet were tingling with the cold and I looked back over my shoulder to see Don, Raph and Splinter easing Leo out of the trailer then carefully carrying him towards the house.

The wood shed, I discovered, wasn't really a wood shed. It was more of a half a roof covering a pile of snow covered logs. Casey brushed some of the snow off the top logs and pushed them aside. I looked at him curious.

"Too wet to light," Casey explained as he reached for some of the drier logs closer to the middle of the pile. He began to pull them out one by one and hand them to me. I soon had my arms full, Casey pulled more logs until there was enough for him to carry an armful as well. Then he gathered them up and we started for the house.

As we approached I again noticed the fallen shutter and looked up to see where it had come from. A room on the second story had one of the shutters still clinging to the house, although it too looked like it would fall before too long. Casey seemed to be following my gaze and he frowned. He pushed open the door for us and we stepped into the cold living room. Leo was lying down on the couch, covered with a thick blanket. Raph, Splinter and Don all close beside him. April was at the fireplace fiddling around with something I couldn't see.

"All right so it needs some fixing up," Casey admitted as we approached the fireplace with our firewood. "The place got a little run down since Grandma passed away."

At that moment April succeeded in opening the floo and dirt and soot flooded the room. April gasped and started to cough violently as she had gotten a face full of it. Being almost, but not quite as close, I too coughed as the ball of dust and soot hit me in the face.

"When was that?" I asked as my eyes began to water. "In the late Jurassic?"

Casey scowled at me. "Dude, you live in a sewer!"

I ground my teeth and my eyes narrowed a little as I clutched the wood I was carrying a little closer. That was a low blow. Besides our home in the sewer was in better shape than this place was. I opened my mouth to say so when I was stopped by a single groan coming from the couch. I felt my eyes widen in surprise and my mouth dropped open in shock.

"Leo?" Don asked his voice rising a pitch.

I quickly put the fire wood down by the fireplace and walked over to where Raph, Don and Splinter were hovering anxiously over Leo. I couldn't get as close to him as they were, but I could see his face scrunch up for a half a second before relaxing again and then he was just as still and lifeless as before.

"Is he...?" I trailed off as Splinter looked at me and shook his head a little before turning back to Leo. My heart sunk in my chest and I bit my lip, trying not to let the disappointment drown me. But I was I was stubbornly determined that he would pull through this. Because loosing Leo was not an option.

* * *

We all knew that we'd have to get this run down old farm house set up a little for our stay here, but Splinter didn't want Leo left alone. Don stayed with him, clutching one of Leo's hands in his own and Raph stayed close as well, watching Leo intently from the wall he leaned against, his eyes hard and narrowed to slits. Splinter sent me upstairs to see what was up there. There were a couple of twin sized beds and a whole bunch of animal skins. Dust covered everything. The wooden floor creaked and groaned as I made my way across the small room and pulled open the door in the corner, but that just turned out to be a closet full of junk.

I turned and headed back downstairs to my brothers and Splinter. Don and Raph hadn't moved, and to my disappointment neither had Leo. April was absent and so was Casey. But from the sounds in the kitchen I guessed that April was making something for dinner, though for once I didn't feel at all hungry. There was a fire going in the fireplace now and that made the room warmer, which was a welcome relief. Splinter stood with his back to the flames, his tail twitching a little when it was too hot for comfort. He looked up at me as I descended the last of the stairs, then turned his gaze once more to Leo.

I could see Don had Leo's hand in a death grip and Don's features were tight, his mouth a set line and a crease etched on his forehead. I frowned, I knew that look. It was a look that Don didn't have too often, but then again we rarely had something so big to worry about. From the stressed out features on Don's face to the sullen ones on Raph's I knew that Leo was no better.

"Dinner," April announced as she brought a steaming pizza in from the kitchen, with Casey following close behind with a couple liters of soda. The idea of even trying to eat something made my stomach twist uncomfortably, and I opened my mouth to decline but Splinter shot me a look, then gave Don and Raph the same look when I saw they felt the same way I did. He wasn't going to let us not eat something, although I felt like the eggs and toast I'd made earlier were going to make a reappearance at any moment.

Reluctantly I took a slice of pizza and took a small bit to apease Master Splinter. But it didn't taste right to me, I chewed it quickly and swallowed, wincing as it scraped the sides of my throat as it went down. I could see Don's expression change as he too forced down his first bite. Raph was just glaring at his slice and seemed unaware of Splinter's disapproving look that was being sent his way. I took another bite and swallowed it as quickly as I could. I finished most of it, much to my surprise, but it weighed me down and suddenly I felt ten pounds heavier from just that one slice. I pushed aside the crust and ignored the rest of the pizza that was waiting to be eaten, and joined Don at Leo's side instead.

Don had just barely finished half of his slice, the rest sat untouched on the floor by his feet, he had eyes only for Leo. After several long minutes Casey gathered up the remains of our dinner and trash and took them back to the kitchen, the sodas had gone untouched all together. We were all just too worried about Leo to do much else but be with him. I could see a few drops of sweat dewing on Leo's brow and his frown deepened a little when Splinter stepped forward and placed a hand on his forehead again.

Raph joined us, standing at Leo's head and glaring down at Leo's face. I could see his jaw flexing, and a vein in his temple throbbing. He curled and uncurled his hands into fists and shifted his weight from one foot to the other. Casey and April were silent witnesses to our grief, forgotten in the background for the moment while my family and I stood watch over our injured brother and wait. That's all we could do was wait - wait and hope for a miracle.

* * *

When the sky grew dark outside and an owl hooted in the distance I began to feel the abuse of the day. My muscles ached and I was sure that several bruises had begun to take form. I could see a few on Raph's arm and even a big one on the side of his neck, and Don had quite a few of his own that were beginning to show. Splinter's, of course, were hidden by his thick gray fur coat. He held himself a little stiffly though, and moved a little bit slower than usual. I knew he wasn't as young as he used to be and physical beatings like the ones he took today would take their toll on him. But for now he seemed unconcerned for his own well being, as did the rest of my brothers.

The sharp smack of bone against drywall caught my attention and pulled my eyes away from Leo's face.

"Why won't he wake up?" Raph demanded through clenched teeth as he glared down at Leo's calm and unresponsive face.

"Healing takes time," Splinter said calmly as he placed his hand on Leo's brow again. I frowned at the gesture, wondering what he was checking for. "And Leonardo is recovering from more than just physical wounds. His spirit has also been greviously injured."

_His spirit_? Well that was a new one. How were we supposed to heal Leo's spirit? And what the shell did that mean anyway?

"Do you think he can hear us?" Don asked hesitantly.

"Perhaps," Splinter said almost doubtfully.

But Don ignored that and dropped onto his knees next to Leo. "Hey, Leo, it's me Don," Don said as he gazed earnestly at our brother, hoping for a response. He got none. "You're going to pull through this. I know you are!" Don continued putting some force behind those words. "You have to, I mean you know what kind of trouble we'd get into without you. Like remember the time I built that remote control car?"

The rest of us listened while Don launched into the story where he'd built a small remote control car but had lost it in one of the sewer tunnels that was overflowing with heavy rain water. Of course Don wouldn't have paid attention to the heavy water or the debris that was clogging up the tunnel, he had a one tracked mind, although if I were to be honest with myself I was the same way myself most of the time.

In fact most of us was like that at least once in a while. But Leo, always being the responsible one, would have seen the dangers that the overflowing sewer tunnel created. After Don fell into the water and got stuck, Leo calmly jumped into the water and freed him before getting them both to safety. And of course Don's concern would be the car. As soon as he got his breath back he inquired about it and I could picture easily the look of disbelief on Leo's face at the question.

"You really came through for me that day, Leo," Don said as he finished the story, his fingers resting on Leo's blanket, tightening around the old material as he stared earnestly at our brother. "You always do, and I know you will again."

"Huh," Raph said sarcastically from behind us. Don turned to look at him in surprise, his eyes widened a little at the look on Raph's face. "Looks like you've got him hanging on your every word, Don."

Suddenly Leo groaned and we all faced him our faces identical with surprise and shock. Leo's head twisted a little from side to side on the pillow but then he was still again and his breathing was a little less labored I noticed.

"Hey, I think he heard ya, Raphie," Casey said in surprise.

"Maybe talking to him does help," April said hopefully.

"It is said that voice of a loved one can guide a lost spirit back to his home," Splinter said calmly.

I stared at my brother as I worried my lower lip between my teeth. If he really had heard Donnie's story then maybe just maybe he'd be able to hear me as well? "Mind if I take a crack at it?" I asked.

Don immediately moved from his position to give me space so I could be closer to Leo. I sank down on my knees and focused on Leo's face. _On his bruised and battered face_, on his chest rising and falling steadily underneath the blanket.

"Listen, bro," I said as I put force behind the tone that I wasn't quite sure I had. But I was determined to get through to him, to let him know that he had the strength to get through this. He was one stubborn as shell turtle when he wanted to be. But right now it didn't even look like was trying. "Just like concentrate on my voice." Leo's head tipped back a little as he inhaled deeply through his mouth and a few more beads of sweat formed on his brow.

"Come on, Leo," I continued just as forecfully willing Leo to come back to us. "You know how focused you get when you set your mind on something."

Had Leo ever _not_ set his mind on something that he thought was worth doing? Ever since we started our ninja training Leo had always worked the hardest at perfecting his moves. This was no different as far as I was concerned, if Leo could block out all distractions, Raph breaking a new toy Don had made, Don's frustrated growls as he fixed said toy, or even me getting in the...wait a sec, that was it! The story that would prove just how focused Leo could get when he put his mind to something and show him if he tried he could do it again here and now. "Like remeber that time you were trying to perfect your katas?"

* * *

"Leo, when you put your mind to something - you're unstoppable." I said as I finished the story but was a little disappointed to see that Leo's condition hadn't changed. He was still breathing heavily through his mouth, his chest rising and falling just as slowly as it had been before. "So, how about using that famous focus of yours to come back to us?"

I could feel it now. The realization that Leo _might not _come back to us. That my brother could be _dying. _Had the encouter with the foot really left him _that_ broken? As I watched Leo's unchanging face I feared that it had.

"Ha," Raph laughed bitterly. He was standing at the opposite side of the room, his arms crossed and wore a twisted smile that had no humor but pinched his cheeks a little. His expression shocked me and I straightened up from my crouch next to Leo. "If you ask me - Leo is not coming back because he's afraid."

I ground my teeth together. I turned away from Leo and pointed an accusing finger at Raph, my own temper getting just as hot as his was. "No one asked you!"

Raph brushed past me, easily dodging my hand. He stepped up next to the couch and glowered at Leo, his stance tense and angry. "You know he got his butt whooped, and now he's too chicken to come back and face it!" Raph growled.

Don stepped up then a placed a restraining hand on Raph's shoulder. "That's enough, Raph!"

Raph shook off Don's hand and continued, ignoring the shocked looks on all our faces as he took his anger out on the one person who wouldn't fight him back.

"Well I say who needs ya?" Raph said hotly, and even from here I could see how Raph's words had an affect on Leo. Leo's teeth clamped together and his body went rigid "It's not like we can't get on without you playing _'fearless leader'_!"

That was enough, I stepped forward to stop him from having a go at our brother again, but stopped when I saw Raph's shoulders shaking and I froze in shock. Raph wasn't _angry_ at our brother, he didn't really mean those things. He was _terrified,_ just like the rest of us. Terrified that we were going to loose our brother, and there was nothing we could do to stop it. Whether Leo pulled through this or not was up to him, not us. I'd never seen Raph cry before, but I could've bet all my comic books that Raph was crying now.

Raph's head dipped a little for half a second, but then he looked back at Leo and his voice had changed, had grown softer all the anger drained out of him. "Back in the day I always thought I was gonna be top turtle. I was strongest, bravest..." Raph's voice trailed off for a moment and we all hesitated waiting.

And then I realized that Raph too was going to try to break through to Leo, to get him to come back to us. I folded my arms and waited while Raph seemed to gather his thoughts, it only took him a split second. "Remember the time I brought you to that closed off section of the sewer? We were playin' follow the leader..."


	3. Chapter 3

Hey guys, here it is chapter 3 - and I know this is the turtle that a lot of you were anxious to read, so I hope I did him justice. I found it really hard to get under Raph's shell to try and figure out how he was feeling with this whole thing, and I'm still not sure if I got it exactly the way I wanted it to - but I don't think that I'd get it much better than this so I decided not to make you wait and to just post it as is.

Thank you again for those who take the time to leave reviews - I know that some of you feel like this is a little repetative but as I said before I'm trying hard not to be too repetative and if you want me to stop I'll understand. I'm finding it hard not to repeat scenes because I'm only working with a 23 minute or so window with this episode and trying to make it different through each turtles' eyes. So some scenes are going to be repeated - it's unavoidable. It's also difficult for me to try and take those same scenes and try to make them different every single time I write them, so please bear with me on that. But like I said if you want me to quit that's fine and I can do that too. If you want me to finish off with Splinter I can do that as well. So please let me know if you want me to finish with this chapter, or if you guys would like me to do Splinter as well. Thanks again for your patience with the wait as well. Your reviews have meant a lot to me and have made me feel a little better about my first TMNT story. Thanks again.

* * *

Chapter 3: Raphael

I waited impatiently at the trailer doors, my hands curling into fists. I wanted to hit something - or preferably someone. But no one in my present company would do. I wanted to go back to New York and put the smack down on some of those foot ninjas. Instead we were cowering in some rickety old trailer like cowards, sneaking out of town. I could feel the hits I had taken sure, but I was always ready for a fight. I never ran away, and yet this time I'd been forced to.

I scowled at the trailer doors, my mind trailing back to April's where the day had started out looking just as boring and unproductive as the last few days had been. I'd been all too eager for a fight when Mikey had woken us all up by crying out, my sais drawn before I even had the chance to clear the sleep from my eyes. I'd scanned the room quickly, looking for whatever it was that had startled Mikey. But the room had been empty except for the four of us, Leo had already gone out on his morning run.

After Mikey told us that he'd slapped himself in the face I was a little disgusted with myself, but more with him. I had started for the bathroom, but as usual Mikey cut in line and slammed the door right in my face. It had looked like it was going to be a long day. And I had been right.

As usual Mikey burned the toast and scrambled the eggs, I helped Mikey set the table but missed one of the dishes he'd tossed to me. April hadn't liked that very much, not that it mattered now. And after the breakfast dishes were done Donnie and I had sat down to watch the football game. There wasn't anything better to do.

I felt completely useless, sitting around on my butt watching a bunch of guys in uniforms run from one end of the field to the other with a ball. I wanted to go back to the sewers and smack a few heads. Those foot ninja were on our turf, we should've been taking them out, not hiding out.

But Splinter would have none of it. We had to wait until Leo got back from his run. Sure. That made perfect sense. Leo could go out and do whatever he wanted, shell, he was probably scoping out the sewers for himself. But I was forced to sit on my butt and do nothin'. So I waited.

After a while though something seemed off. Sure Leo was usually gone for a while when he went for his morning runs, but this was beyond his usual morning training run time. He'd been gone for almost two hours. The hands on the clock seemed to have slowed down and my brothers and I had stared at it, puzzled at why Leo was taking his own sweet time to get back to April's. We'd just gotten permission to go look for him he Leo arrived. Well, if you could call flying through the big bay window arriving. That was when all shell broke loose.

The lock turned in the trailer doors and Casey opened them for us. Cold air immediately hit me in the face, but I didn't care. I'd already discarded the blanket Casey had given us for the ride up here and I was more interested in seeing where the shell we were anyway. I jumped from the trailer and landed lightly on the balls of my feet, my landing muffled by the thick layer of powdery snow.

It looked like we were at some kind of farm. There was an old red barn sitting not far from a run down old farmhouse, and woods that surrounded both. I scowled as I glared around at our new temporary shelter. The trees were tall and shaded the area well, their shadows interlocking with each other because they grew so close together, which meant good places to hide for us should we go explore. But it also meant good places for someone else to hide.

Mikey leapt out beside me, although a bit nosier and his eyes widened in delight as he looked around at the place too. He looked almost excited! It never failed to surprise me that Mikey could get excited with just about anything. He eyed the far distant trees almost hungrily.

"Michelangelo," Splinter said from inside the truck, his voice firm. We both turned automatically to look at our sensei. "Go help Mr. Jones get wood for a fire."

"Right, sensei," Michelangelo agreed coming to himself as he eyed our motionless brother and fear once again touched his eyes.

I felt a sharp pang hit me in the chest and I tried to push it away, but it got stronger every time I looked at Leo. _Leo_. Our brother, our _'fearless leader_' now so lifeless, lying so still on the trailer floor, his head on Splinter's lap.

"Raphael, Donatello, help me get your brother into the house," Splinter ordered us with the same tone he'd had when he'd spoken to Mikey. I merely nodded once, Donnie dropped the blanket from his shoulders and leapt out of the trailer to stand next to me, waiting while Splinter lifted Leo's head off his lap.

I could see him straining with Leo's weight and I wondered if I should jump up there and just do it myself, but Splinter shot me a sharp look as I shifted my weight, ordering me with his eyes to stay where I was. And then I realized that Splinter _wanted_ to do this. That on some level he felt that he_ had _to do this alone. So I waited with Donnie while Splinter brought Leo over to us, then we carefully manuevered our brother out of the trailer, taking on most of his weight between the two of us. Then Splinter leapt down and joined us, picking up Leo's legs so they wouldn't drag in the snow and the three of us headed for the house, carrying our precious cargo with us.

* * *

April had already fixed a place for Leo on the moth-eaten couch. We carefully helped Leo onto it then covered him up with a thick blanket. The room was frigid, no warmer than it was outside, and I suspected that there was probably a broken window somewhere letting all the cold air in - although it could have been just because the house had been empty for so long.

April was kneeling at the fireplace, trying to open the floo so we could start a fire when Casey and Mikey got back with some wood. She seemed to be struggling with it, but I wasn't paying too much attention to it. It didn't seem that important.

Leo was so still, so quiet. My stomach tightened and the ache in my chest came back. Maybe I'd taken a harder hit to my plastron than I'd thought? But that didn't matter either. I ignored the pain and focused on Leo's face, on his calm almost peaceful face. If I didn't know better I would've thought that he was merely sleeping. I scowled a little.

The front door opened with a loud creak and Mikey and Casey walked into the room, their arms full of fire wood.

"Ok so it could use some fixin' up," Casey was saying to Mikey, although Mikey's face was disbelieving, I suppressed a smirk. "The place got a little run down since Grandma passed away."

_A little work?_ That was the understatement of the decade. This place could use more than just a little work. The place was practically falling apart. I hadn't missed the shutter that had fallen from one of the windows on the upper floor when we'd carried Leo in here. The furniture was ancient, everything was covered in dust and...

At that moment April managed to open the floo and dirt and soot filled the room in a big ball of black. April got a face full and started back in surprise before a coughing fit hit her. Mikey, standing almost but not quite as close, coughed too.

"When was that?" He asked sarcastically as he looked up at Casey. "In the late Jurassic?"

Casey's body tensed and his fingers twitched on the logs he was holding, his jaw flexed a little and his eyes tightened. I'd seen that look before, shell I'd had it more than once myself. It was usually a look I could feel on my face right before Mikey got smacked upside the head.

"Dude," Casey said after a short pause. "You live in a _sewer_."

He said that sharply, and I could see Mikey stiffen a little as the words hit home. Sure we lived in a sewer, but even I had to admit that compared to this place, our lair looked like the _Hilton_.

Mikey's eyes narrowed and he pulled the wood a little closer to his plastron. I could tell that he was about to get on the defensive when Leo groaned from beside me. Surprised I turned to look at him. It was the first noise he'd made since he'd pushed that display case between Splinter and Shredder. Of course after that he'd collapsed into April's waiting arms and he hadn't moved since.

"Leo?" Donnie asked from beside me, his eyes going wide with disbelief and hope, his fingers tightening around Leo's limp hand. He adjusted his position so he was leaning over our brother, his body tense. Beside him Splinter too looked down at our brother, but his expression puzzled me. He looked almost _scared_? Why would he look scared?

I too was studying Leo and I could feel Mikey come up behind me, his body almost close enough to touch. Leo turned his head slightly on the pillow, his mouth opened slightly, then closed again and he relaxed, going just as limp and lifeless as before.

Donnie sank back on his heels, not bothering to hide his disappointment. His face crumpled and he worried his lower lip. His fingers relaxed their hold on Leo's hand and blanket as he stared at our unconscious brother. Beside him Splinter's shoulders tightened underneath the worn out robe he always wore. Then he turned away from him, sighing quietly to himself and I felt my eyes widen in sudden fear.

I'd seen Splinter angry before, happy, worried, even irritated. But this - this was something new. He looked almost hopeless. As I turned my attention back to my broken and battered brother it really hit me. Leo was in worse shape than I thought and Splinter wasn't sure if Leo was going to pull through it.

I frowned and glared at my brother's calm face and curled my hands into fists again. Leo was going to pull through this. He had to! And I'd do whatever I needed to to help get through this.

* * *

We all knew that we'd have to get the cabin set up for our stay here. Casey disappeared somewhere as did Mikey. April wandered off to the kitchen and soon the sweet scent of melting mozerella and Italian spices filled the air, but it didn't really appeal to me. Nothing did right now. I only had one thing on my mind right now and he was lying on the couch totally unaware that we were waiting for him.

I would wait for him to wake up - even if I had to stand here all night I would wait. I wasn't going to go anywhere until Leo came around. No one could make me, and I'd like to see them try. I really needed to hit something. Too bad none of those foot soldiers were around I was aching for a rematch.

"Dinner," April announced as she walked back into the living room carrying a steaming hot pizza, Casey followed close behind carrying a couple bottles of soda. I didn't move - I wasn't interested in food.

From the looks on my brothers faces I could tell that they weren't interested in the idea either. But as I looked to Splinter I knew he wasn't going to let us skip. Relutctantly Donnie and Mikey both took a slice and I copied them automatically but just stared blankley at the pizza in my hand, frowning at it as the hot crust burnt my fingers. I barely noticed. I could feel eyes on me, watching me, urging me. But I couldn't do it - I couldn't force myself to eat this. Not when I was so tangled up inside. I could barely swallow as it was. I kept my eyes on my slice while my hand slowly curled around it, mangling it's shape.

No one said anything and after a few minutes I finally looked up from my mangled pizza to see Donnie's slice halfway gone but the last of it on the floor and Mikey was standing at an odd angle, as if he suddenly found his body too heavy for him.

April and Casey seemed to realize that no one was really in the mood for food and they silently gathered up the remains and took them back to the kitchen while my family and I gathered around Leo. Mikey stood back a little but Splinter and Donnie were close. Donnie at Leo's feet, Splinter with a hand on Leo's forehead while I stood at the head of the couch glaring down at Leo's peaceful face.

When was he gonna wake up anyway? Splinter pulled his hand away from Leo's forehead, frowning a little and his eyes were wide with worry. Donnie too looked worried but I wasn't going to worry - that wouldn't help anyone. Someone had to be strong right now and until Leo decided to come around I'd be strong in his place. My family needed me to be.

* * *

It seemed like forever passed, I lost track of the hours but the sun eventually set and night fell. The night was cloudy and the wind blew the trees branches around a little, a few of them scratched at the window panes and somewhere off in the distance a lone owl hooted softly.

I ground my jaw together as I glared at Leo. Everyone was gathered around the couch now waiting for him to wake up. And shouldn't he have done it by now? Hadn't he had enough time to sleep? What the shell was taking so long anyway? Why wouldn't he wake up? What was he waiting for anyway?

My fist cracked against the wall with the sound of bone hitting drywall without me making the consious effort to do it. But with it came some small degree of release, some small part of the anger I felt disappearing with the dent in the wall. Three pairs of eyes looked up at me but I didn't care. I was angry, and more than that I was worried.

"Why won't he wake up?" I demanded as I glared down at Leo, my jaw clenched and my shoulders tight.

Splinter sighed as he lifted a hand to Leo's forehead. "Healing takes time," he said patiently as he looked sadly at our brother. "And Leonardo is recovering from more than just physical wounds. His spirit has also been greviously injured."

_His spirit_? Was he kidding with me on this? How could loosing a fight hurt Leo's spirit? This was _Leo_ we were talking about. _Leo_. The one turtle out of the four of us who trained the hardest, studied the most, worked at something until he got it right. Who had dedicated his whole being to the art of ninjitsu.

And then it hit me. I understood now. Master Splinter was right. Leo was the one who trained the hardest, who was so dedicated, who tried his best with everything we were taught. So what had it done to him when after all the effort he put into training he went out and had his shell handed to him? Who knew how many of them he'd been up against. Leo wouldn't see it that way. He wouldn't see it as facing unbeatable odds - he'd see it as failing. It didn't matter that he'd been seriously outnumbered - Leo didn't take defeat well, and we only rarely managed to beat him during sparring practices. And this battle, this defeat was the worst one we'd ever faced. And Leo had been alone while he was facing it.

"Do you think he can hear us?" Donnie asked hesitantly.

"Perhaps," Splinter said stepping aside and dropping his hand from Leo's head.

Donnie instantly dropped to his knees where Splinter had been standing second before. He looked at our brother with large innocent almost pleading eyes. "Hey, Leo - it's me Don," Donnie said as he shifted a little on his knees so he was even closer. "You're going to pull through this - I know you are. You have to."

Splinter's face fell a little at this and I ground my teeth together.

"You know what kind of trouble we'd get into without you," Donnie continued, not seeming to be aware of us at all. He cocked his head a little and then his eyes brightened ever so slightly. "Like remember the time I built that remote control car?"

* * *

I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes. Was Donnie kidding with this? I'd paced away from the couch during Donnie's story and was now standing behind Donnie, my arms crossed across my plastron and I was glaring at the floor while Donnie finished his story.

"You really came through for me that day, Leo." Donnie said his voice hopeful but determined. "You always do and I know you will again."

That did it.

"Huh," I said on a sharp exhale Donnie and Mikey both turned to look at me - their eyes wide with surprise. I didn't care, Leo hadn't moved at all during Donnie's story, if he could hear us, he didn't seem to be listening to what Donnie was saying. "Looks like you've got him hangin' on your every word, Don." I said sarcastically dropping my arms from their crossed position.

Donnie glared at me and started to open his mouth when Leo moaned a little and immediately caught our attention. I felt my mouth open a little in surprise. Leo's face scrunched up a little and he rolled his head from side to side on his pillow a couple times then went still again, his mouth slightly open as his breathing became a little easier, not so strained somehow.

"Hey, I think he heard you, Raphie," Casey said in stunned surprise.

My brothers and I didn't move - we just stared at Leo, waiting. Hoping. But he was still again just as lifeless as before.

"Maybe talking to him does help," April suggested.

"It is said that the voice of a loved one can help guide a lost spirit back to its home." Splinter said and for the first time since Leo came crashing through the window did he sound a little hopeful.

Mikey stepped forwad then, almost hesitantly, but his face was set and determined. "Do you mind if I have a crack at it?" He knelt down by Leo's head. "Listen, bro, just like concentrate on my voice."

Leo didn't respond. He was just as still as before with only the slight movement of his chest and the blanket covering him as he inhaled and exhaled deeply.

"Come on, Leo," Mikey said grimly. "You know how focused you get when you set your mind on something. Like remember that time you were trying to perfect your katas?"

* * *

What was this? Story hour? Did they really think that _this_ was going to bring Leo back? These sentimental stories about Leo being responsible or Leo's dedication to ninjitsu? Leo already knew this stuff! He didn't need reminders about them. The fact was that Leo wasn't waking up because he _didn't _want to wake up. He didn't want to come back and face the fact that he'd gotten his shell kicked. He couldn't face it. And suddenly I was angry. My body shifted and I could feel the anger burning at my insides, curling around my chest, tightening so that I could barely breathe.

How dare Leo do this to us? How dare he just give up? Who the shell gave him the right to just stop caring? My hands curled into fists and I glared at Mikey's shell as Mikey came to the conclusion of his story.

"Leo, when you put your mind to something - you're unstoppable." Mikey said as he looked at Leo his eyes wide and pleading. "So how about using that famous focus of yours to come back to us."

I found my arms crossed across my plastron again as I restrained the urge to hit something, or someone. I'd locked my jaw but at Mikey's last words I lost what little control I had on my temper.

"Ha," I snapped. "You ask me Leo's not coming back because he's afraid." I waved my right hand in the air once and looked away from my family, trying to suppress the fear and anguish I felt as those words made my chest tighten so much I could barely breathe. But I couldn't be weak. I had to be strong for my family. Strong for _Leo_. He needed someone to be strong right now.

Mike was instantly on his feet, and had turned to me, pointing one finger at me accusingly, his eyes narrowed and his body tensing with barely suppressed anger. "No one asked you," he growled.

But it was too late to take back the words I'd said now. Besides Leo needed to hear this! He needed to know that I knew why he wasn't coming back. Because that was the only way to get Leo to fight back.

"You know he got his butt whopped and now he's too chicken to come back and face it," I said hotly as I stepped around Mikey and glared down at Leo, my hands on my hips as I waited for him to come around, to fight back. _To prove me wrong_. He didn't move.

"That's enough, Raph," Donnie said just as angrily as he placed a restraining hand on my shoulder. I shook it off angrily.

Obviously I wasn't getting through to him. I needed to make him hear me. To make him fight this. To not give up.

"Well I say who needs ya!" I said hotly and this time Leo responded, his body went rigid and his jaw snapped shut, almost as if what I said really hit home. I glared at him, I didn't mean those words, and I never would - but I had to get through to him. How else was I supposed to help him?

"It's not like we can't get on without you playing _'fearless leader'_," I tried to keep my voice just as hot but I heard it crack and the anger drained just as quickly as it had risen. The bands around my chest loosened but I didn't find it any easier to breathe. I felt like my lungs were caving in and my throat suddenly felt swollen. I tried to swallow but found the task impossible. My eyes were stinging and I blinked trying to push away the emotion, but it wouldn't be suppressed. Besides what was the point?

My big brother was lying on the couch in front of me, still, broken, _dying_. My strong, dependable, always there for us when we needed him brother. And now look at him - covered with cuts and bruises, broken both inside and out. The image of him flying through the window earlier that morning once again flying to the front of my head with such crystal clear precision that I closed my eyes with the effort of trying to suppress it. The water that had filled my eyes spilled over and soaked into my mask. But I didn't care about that - I didn't care that my family was watching me cry. I didn't mean anything I was saying - I did need Leo. I'd always need Leo. He kept me grounded, kept me from doing stupid things when my temper got out of control...what would we - or I do without him? There had to be something I could say that could get to him...

"Back in the day I always figured I was gonna be top turtle," I started without really having to think about it. Leo had to know that he was the _right_ turtle to lead this team. He had to come back to us. "I was strongest, bravest...remember the time I brought you to that closed off section of the sewer? We were playing follow the leader..."

* * *

"I don't even know why I told you that story," I finished as I looked down at Leo's face feeling my stomach sink even lower. It didn't look like my story had made much of a difference in Leo's condition. He didn't even seem to be listening. I looked away from him, staring at the floor. "I guess you just...I mean..."

I rubbed the back of my head trying to figure out what I was trying to tell him - how to tell him how much I needed him. To let him know that he _couldn't_ give up. How much we wanted him to come back...

"What I'm trying to say is..." I couldn't finish. My voice choked off and my eyes threatened to tear up again. I covered my eyes with my hand and fought back the grief.

Leo groaned on the couch and his breathing came out in a slight gasp.

A warm furry hand found my shoulder, but I didn't open my eyes. I was too caught up in my own grief, my own anger for not being there for Leo when he needed me, and my fears that I was just sitting by while my brother died before my eyes. If Leo didn't pull through this - if we lost him...I didn't want to finish that thought.

"Your brother hears you, Raphael," Splinter said gently, his long warm fingers squeezing my shoulder gently. A tear squeezed out from underneath my closed eyelid but I didn't bother to wipe it away. It soaked into my mask and made the material stick to my skin. I opened my eyes and stared at the floor letting the grief consume me.

"He understands," Splinter said with another squeeze.

I didn't want to hear this - didn't want to think that Leo might not pull through this one. I walked forward, feeling Splinter's hand drop from my shoulder as I made my way to the front window. Snow was falling outside, covering the world with white.

I pressed my forehead against the cool window pane, my arm resting against the ledge and my other hand resting against my eye as more tears sprang behind my closed lids. I knew I needed to be strong - needed to be in control, to be there for my family and for Leo. But I couldn't do it, I couldn't just pretend that nothing was wrong - that I was ok. Because I was far from it. My brother was dying just a few feet away from me and I was helpless to stop it.

The cold from the window made me shiver a little, but I didn't pull away. I let the cold numb my body, while the pain of loosing my brother consumed the rest of me. On the outside I was still, frozen, just leaning against the window - a perfect mask for my friends and family. But on the inside where no one else could see I was screaming.


	4. Chapter 4

Hey guys, thank you again for taking the time to read and review. Splinter was a harder character for me to do. I can't imagine what it would be like to watch your child die and to try and understand that and try to wrap your mind around the fact that you might be watching your son die and that you'll have to face what happens after that with three more kids was a bit overwhelming. I don't feel like I've really got a good grip on Splinter - while he's essential to the turtles and the whole story I don't feel as if I know him as well, so I hope that he doesn't seem too off to anyone. But I gave it my best shot and I'm pleased with what I came up with - considering I had to rewrite it because my computer deleted half of it once.

I know that a few of you have asked me to do Leonardo's point of view, despite the fact that he's unconscious for most of this episode - to try and see what he went through. Or at least my version of it. And I have to say that I was _not _planning on doing Leonardo, Splinter was going to be my final chapter for this story. But when I was asked more than once I really thought it through and decided to have a go at what Leonardo was struggling with. So I gave it my best shot and I actually found it very easy to do and have already finished it. Unfortunately my week is very busy this week so it'll have to wait until next weekend before I can post it. So in the mean time I hope you enjoy my version of Splinters POV. And thanks again for those who take time to review, I really appreciate it and it's made it worth all the hours I've put into this story. Thanks again!

* * *

Chapter 4: Splinter

Parents are not supposed to watch their children die. It's wrong and goes against nature. The old are supposed to die before the young. It's the natural order. Of course sometimes the young are picked off when they aren't fast enough to escape their attackers, but this felt different to me.

I'd known that this world was a dangerous place before I'd even come to New York with my master Yoshi. With what had happened to Tang Shin, Yoshi's true love, I'd learned that things can always take a turn for the worst. And that was why I'd worked so hard to train my sons the art of ninjitsu, so they could defend themselves should they ever need to. But I'd hoped it wouldn't be necessary.

Now I was facing my worst fears as I looked down at the lifeless face of my oldest. Leonardo. He was so still, his breathing shallow, his pulse erratic, his body broken. But worse than that, his spirit crushed by his defeat at the hands of Shredder's minions.

Leonardo had always been strong, always level-headed, with the exception of Raphael getting under his shell. Leonardo and Raphael were bound to clash, they had so much in common. It's hard for a parent to watch their children fight, knowing that you love them both the same, that neither of them is more important than the other, knowing each had their strengths and weaknesses but that they complimented each other well. But also knowing that stepping between them wouldn't solve anything. They weren't little anymore and they needed to learn how to work these things out on their own, for one day I wouldn't be here anymore and they wouldn't have a choice but to resolve these issues when I would no longer stand between them.

"Is he going to make it, Sensei?" Donatello asked me, his voice just shy of cracking, the words laced with fear. The fear of loosing his brother.

I frowned as I pulled the purple blankets Casey had given us when we'd gotten into this trailer tighter around Leonardo's shoulders. I didn't like this. Even as cold as it was in the trailer, even as cold as my other sons were, Leonardo was colder. Every time I touched him his temperature seemed to have dropped. I knew it was natural for cold-blooded creatures temperature to drop when their surroundings were cold, and I'd always accepted that the turtles would always feel cool to me. But this was different. This cold was troublesome. This cold terrified me.

But how did one tell his son that his brother may not survive? That he could be watching his brother die?

_No_! I wasn't going to believe that. Leonardo was stronger than this, he'd fight it. That much I knew, and I had to have faith that Leonardo would pull through. I had to give him strength, even though I wasn't sure I had any myself at this point. But that didn't matter, Leonardo needed me to be strong right now and I would be strong for him.

"Only time will tell," I said quietly as I looked sadly at Leonardo's peaceful face.

On the other side of the trailer Raphael was staring at Leonardo, his face hard a scowl pulling at his mouth. I sighed quietly to myself knowing that if Leonardo did not pull through this, it would hit Raphael the hardest.

Raphael had always been the hardest of my sons to get through, he kept himself hidden behind a tough shell, letting his anger over rule any emotional outbursts. Instead of being sad he'd be angry and he'd either burn out that anger with extra practice with his wooden dummy and punching bag, or by hitting the surface. Not that I always approved of the second one. I knew how Raphael really felt about his brothers though, and even though he and Leonardo might clash more than either of their other brothers, I knew that the loss of one would be the end for the other.

Raphael might not let on just how badly this broke him, he'd hide the pain behind anger and wise remarks. But he'd loose a part of himself as well. The part that gave him that fighting edge, the part that sparked his spirit. That would die with Leonardo.

Michelangelo and Donatello would be just as devastated, as would I. I highly doubted that new things would be built, that pranks would be played, that video games would be used. Our family would fall when Leonardo did. I knew from the instant I realized that ooze had mutated us that we would always be a unit, if one of us fell the others would soon follow, just like the domino effect.

The trailer rocked and bumped as Casey turned sharply off the main highway to a dirt road, it twisted and turned, and I gripped Leonardo to stop him from rocking too much, trying to prevent further injuries. I wasn't sure how much more he could take, but I knew it couldn't be much. The body goes through a lot in life, and can handle many things - but after a while it becomes too much and the body can't deal with the trauma anymore. And I feared as I looked down at Leonardo's face as I held him that maybe this time Leonardo's body had taken a beating that was too much for it to handle.

* * *

Donatello, Raphael and I carried Leonardo inside the worn out old farm house, my sons bearing most of the weight but I carried his legs so they would not drag in the snow. I knew my sons could easily handle it on their own, but I needed to do this too. Needed to be there for Leonardo at all times, so he knew I wasn't going to give up on him, that I wasn't going to leave him. That he wasn't alone. I knew if he was going to pull through this he'd need the help from all of us.

April had already prepared a spot for him on the couch, it was old and moth-eaten, but it was better than the ground. She had her back to us, fumbling with the floo at the fire place. Michelangelo and Casey were getting wood to start a fire.

Raphael and Donatello carefully eased Leo onto the couch and we laid him flat, covering him with the thick quilt to keep him warm. Donatello's eyes were wide with worry and Raphael scowled at the floor, his fingers curling towards his palms then going limp again. He didn't really seem to be looking at anything, rather he seemed to be thinking some deep thoughts about something.

The front door opened with a loud creak and Casey's heavy boots echoed on the wooden floor, Michelangelo's were much softer. Both were carrying arms full of fire wood.

"So it could use some fixin' up," Casey was saying a little defensively to Michelangelo. "The place got a little run down after Grandma passed away."

April succeeded in opening the floo at that moment and a big ball of dust and soot flooded the room. April got a face full of it and began to cough at once, Michelangelo not quite as close but still getting a cloud of his own coughed as well.

"When was that?" Michelangelo asked in a skeptical tone. "In the late Jurassic?"

Casey's eyes narrowed and the lines around his mouth tightened. His long fingers curled around the wood in his arms and a vein popped on his forehead. "Dude, you live in a sewer!"

This time Michelangelo bristled, getting on the defensive. He opened his mouth to snap back but we were all distracted when Leonardo groaned.

"Leo?" Donatello asked his voice not hiding his worry now. His voice went up an octave, alerting me to the fact that something was terribly wrong. I hurried to Leonardo's head and placed a hand on his forehead. He was even colder than he'd been inside the trailer.

I turned to see everyone gathered around, even Michelangelo and Casey both of their mouths open in shock. My eyes narrowed.

"Start the fire now, we need to get it warmed up in here. Michelangelo go upstairs and see what's up there, we may need some extra blankets." Casey immediately started for the fireplace, crouching down and arranging the logs in the old ashes that were littered at the bottom of the fireplace. Michelangelo nodded once and then hurried upstairs.

"I'll go make us something to eat," April suggested as she headed towards the kitchen.

A few minutes later there was a spark as Casey successfully started a fire. The warm glow immediately began to heat up the room, chasing away the chill. Then Casey excused himself into the kitchen as well, leaving me and my sons alone.

* * *

_Leonardo, my son. _I kept my eyes closed as I called Leonardo's name, hoping that on some spiritual plain he'd be able to hear me. I kept my breathing steady, listening for his labored breaths, each one a strained movement. One of my hands rested on his forehead, keeping track of how his temperature fluctuated. It was a little warmer now that the fire was burning well and strong in the fireplace, but still remarkably colder than my own - and those of his brothers. That still worried me, and I feared that despite our best efforts we might loose him anyway.

The battle at April's had been hard on all of us, the hits had often hit home and I could see the results on each of my sons' bodies. Leonardo had gotten the worst of it of course, he'd been alone when he'd been ambushed, so every hit had been harder, each bruise or cut was twice that of what his brothers had. I had no idea how many he'd fought off alone, but I knew that he would have tried as hard as he could to get back to us once those first foot ninja attacked. But I had no idea how far away he'd been when that had happened, or how many more showed up when he had started back. But from the extent of his injuries I knew that there must have been a lot.

Shredder's attack was a cowardly gambit, wearing us down by shear numbers. If he had tried it with us, I'm sure that he had done so with Leonardo first. Leonardo's skills were almost unmatched, he often bested his brothers in sparring matches, but even Leonardo could not have fought off the throngs of foot ninja alone. There had been too many and they had just kept coming. When we took one down five more would be there to replace him. The Shredder had sent his entire guard to attack us, to defeat us, and we had been defeated. If not for that hole in the wall where that old cooling unit had been removed we would not have survived that blast.

"Dinner," April announced as she came in carrying a tray with a large pizza on it. She set it down in front of us while Casey followed with two liters of soda. I wasn't hungry, and doubted that I could have eaten if if I'd wanted to. Which I didn't. I could see that each of my sons felt the same way and I frowned. With the amount of energy they'd used to fight our way out of the antique shop they needed to replenish their bodies with nutrition. I frowned at them, and simultaneously, as if they knew I was looking at them, they turned to look at me then reluctantly reached for the pizza.

Raphael made no attempt in eating his slice, instead he stared down at it, frowning, slowly squeezing it in his hand, pulverizing it until grease and cheese coated his green skin. Donatello tried and managed to eat half of his slice, but each bite was difficult for him and he swallowed slowly, as if afraid it would get caught in his throat. He gave up after a while and left what was left of the pizza on the floor as he focused on Leonardo once again. Michelangelo too ate slower than usual, trying not to make a face as each bite slid down his throat. After he finished he leaned a little to one side and looked a little weighed down. Almost as if his body no longer wanted to hold him upright.

Casey and April seemed to realize that no one was really interested in eating, so they took what remained of dinner back into the kitchen and we all gathered around couch and Leonardo.

* * *

The hours passed slowly, but eventually the sun's rays began to shrink away from the window before disappearing beyond the horizon all together. The moon began to rise but was quickly hidden behind the blanket of thick clouds. Snow began to fall soon after that and it covered the world in another fine layer of white. The night came to life as the nocturnal creatures began to wake up and call to each other. Somewhere far off in the distance an owl hooted quietly to itself.

Inside the house all was still, except for the occasional pop of the fire as it danced in the fireplace. We were still gathered around Leonardo and he hadn't moved at all. His breathing was getting more strained with each inhale and his pulse was becoming weaker with each heartbeat. I could feel some part of me breaking as I realized that maybe this time Leonardo wasn't going to come back. I could feel my resolve breaking, though I maintained a firm mask for my sons on the outside. They could not afford for me to break right now, not when they needed me to lean on. I placed my hand on Leonardo's forehead again and my heart sank as my hand came into contact with his cold almost lifeless skin again. Despite the fact that the room was a comfortable temperature now Leonardo's body was simply not reacting to it. It was shutting down - he was dying. I was going to loose my son and I was helpless to stop it.

My sons were very still beside me, all of them focused on Leonardo. All of them anxiously waiting for him to wake up. April and Casey stood back, apart, but still close enough to see. Raphael was shifting his weight impatiently and I knew it was only a matter of time before he let out a small piece of the frustration that had been building up ever since we got into that old trailer. Raphael had never been very good at keeping his temper in check, and he found it gratifying to release that built up frustration by channeling it into his training or sparring matches. It worked well for him at times, but other times it got the best of him and clouded his judgement.

Leonardo always recognized the signs, and was usually able to stop Raphael before he go in too deep to get himself back out again. Like the time Raphael and Michelangelo had had a simple sparring match and Michelangelo had bested Raphael. Raphael had reached for a discarded lead pipe and had gone after Michelangelo with all intentions to bash Michelangelo's head with it. Leonardo had stopped him, had made Raphael see reason, but just.

If Raphael lost Leonardo that would change, and I feared that no matter how hard I tried, or how hard his brothers tried Raphael would never be the same again. As much as Raphael hated to follow orders, hated being told what to do or where to be, he knew that on some level that he needed it. That following Leonardo's instructions would ultimately help them win the battle in the end. It was one of the reasons Leonardo often took the lead when he and his brothers went to the surface. But not the only one.

Leonardo had shouldered the responsibility of his brothers' safety at an early age. Not because I'd put it on his shoulders, I'd always done my best to protect my family, but Leonardo too felt responsibility towards his brothers. He looked out for them, kept them safe when I wasn't around, and so in turn I'd often left him in charge when I'd gone scavaging for food or supplies. Most of the time Leonardo was able to keep his brothers in life, but sometimes a fight would break out between him and Raphael.

As my sons grew their relationship grew closer. Leonardo was still the unoffical head of the team as he was able to strategizethe best and knew his brothers strengths and weaknesses, using them to their advantage as a team. His brothers followed him without question now, falling quickly into where Leonardo put them, and most of the time they won. My sons worked best as a team, as a family unit, and they always would.

Leonardo, with his sense of responsibility, dedication to ninjitsu, and maturity had officially made him the 'big brother' of the team. He led every fight they went into, keeping an eye on his brothers, always being there if they needed him. Raphael was the fiercest fighter out of the four of them, his attacks more powerful and doing the most damage, but he often let his temper get in the way and that would make him loose focus. Donatello was the most peaceful of the group, more eager to be in his workshop tinkering with things, building new vehicles or building new gadgets for he and his brothers to use. He'd rather talk things out than fight with someone, but he was also a skilled and just as lethal as his brothers when it came to protecting his brothers. Michelangelo often spent most of his time reading comic books, playing video games, and spouting TV and movie media whenever the occasion arose to use them. He'd much rather be playing pranks on his brothers than practicing his ninjitsu skills and rarely took his training sessions seriously. But he was also the most natural athletic of the group, not having to train hard to be good at what he does. His moves in battle are often flashy, but fast and easily inflict damage.

Yes, Leonardo knew all these things and used them to help win their battles. The question was, if Leonardo didn't pull through this - would his brothers be able to do the same? Or would we simply fall apart, the devastation of our loss too much to keep us together?

Flesh smacked against drywall, making the bones crack. I looked up from Leonardo's face to Raphael. He was scowling at his brother, his body tense, hands curled into fists, he didn't even seem to notice the dent he'd left in the wall.

"Why won't he wake up?" Raphael growled through clenched teeth, as his eyes narrowed a little. He worked his jaw and hunched his shoulders, almost as if ready to launch himself at someone, anyone, who dared approach Leonardo with the intention of hurting him.

"Healing takes time," I said patiently as I returned my hand to Leonardo's forehead again. He was colder than the last time I'd touched him. I frowned and my stomach tightened a little. "And Leonardo is recovering from more than just physical wounds. His spirit has also been grievously injured."

Raphael's face went blank then dark with disbelief, where as his brothers looked shocked.

"Do you think he can hear us?" Donatello asked hesitantly, his eyes wide with fear and wonder at the same time.

I pondered that for half a second. With all I'd ever seen, heard, or read I knew that it wasn't uncommon for people in a comatose state to hear the voices of their loved ones as they talked to them. Often it helped pull them out of their comas - but sometimes it didn't.

"Perhaps," I said a little reluctantly as I pulled away from Leonardo, giving Donatello my spot next to Leonardo's head. I moved back beside April and watched.

"Hey, Leo, it's me Don," Donatello said as he lifted one hand to Leonardo's blanket and wrapped his hand around the fabric, clenching it in his fist. "You're going to pull through this - I know you are."

My shoulders sagged a little at that. I wasn't sure if Donatello believed that or if he was merely just saying it for Leonardo's sake, but at this point I wasn't sure if he was going to be right or not. If he wasn't, and Leonardo didn't pull through...I didn't want to finish that thought.

"You have to," Donatello continued as he put determination behind those words. "You know what kind of trouble we'd get into without you." He paused for a few seconds then cocked his head to the side as something came to mind. "Like remember the time I built that remote control car...?"

* * *

"You really came through for me that day, Leo," Donatello concluded as he finished the story of the time he'd lost his car and had nearly drowned when he'd fallen in after it. If it hadn't been for Leonardo, Donatello would have died as a mere toddler. Even at that tender age he'd always been looking out for his brothers.

"You always do," Donatello said and his voice broke a little as he looked at his brother desperately. "And I know you will again."

"Huh," Raphael snapped sarcastically. Donatello looked at him in surprise, his eyes wide. "Looks like you've got him hangin' on your every word, Don."

Donatello pressed his lips together and narrowed his eyes, but then his face mirrored Raphael's as Leonardo groaned and turned his head from side to side on the pillow.

"Hey, I think he heard ya, Raphie," Casey said almost hopefully.

"Maybe talking to him does help," April suggested from beside me.

Raphael's face didn't change, he still just looked at his brother, his face blank with shock - not yet hopeful but unbelieving. But even from where I stood I could see Leonardo's breathing had eased a little and suddenly I felt hope. I knew that Leonardo had almost given up, given in, but now he was fighting. He was fighting to come back to us. And he was giving it all he had to do so.

"It is said that the voice of a loved one can help guide a lost spirit back to it's home," I said as I looked over at April. A small smile pulled at one side of her mouth, her eyes shining with hope.

Michelangelo stepped forward, a little hesitantly and he bit on his lower lip as he looked at Leo's perfectly still body, except for the steady rise and fall of the blanket as he breathed. "Do you mind if I take a crack at it?"

Donatello quickly moved aside for him and Michelangelo stepped forward, dropping next to his brother and leaning close to Leonardo's face. "Listen, bro, just like concentrate on my voice..."

I waited, holding my breath as I studied Leonardo's face. It remained unchanged, except that it had tipped back a little with the force of his inhales. He was breathing deeply now and I felt a band loosen from around my chest. I breathed with him.

"Come on, Leo," Michelangelo said as he put force and strength behind his words. "You know how focused you get when you set your mind to something."

That was true. Leonardo worked endlessly until he perfected something, putting mind, spirit, and body together until they worked in harmony to get whatever new skill I taught them down perfectly. He berated himself when he didn't get it right the first few times, then pushed beyond his limits until he did. I'd seen him struggle for days to get his split kick right, he'd been frustrated with himself, trying over and over again, meditating on the matter, practicing in training, practicing alone, and then finally getting it down when confronted by the purple dragons as he and his brothers helped get Casey out of a tight spot. Leonardo had beamed at me when they'd come home and shown me that he had accomplished and perfected the new move.

Michelangelo leaned closer to Leonardo's face. "Like remember the time you were trying to perfect your katas...?"

* * *

"Leo, when you put your mind to something - you're unstoppable." Michelangelo finished his story of how he'd tried to break Leonardo's concentration. It hadn't worked of course, Leonardo had always been able to set his mind on one task and focus on that one task until he had it down. Of course, it didn't make him unaware of what went on around him so when Michelangelo had tried to hit him with his nunchakusLeonardo had caught one end and knocked Michelangelo's feet out from under him. Before Michelangelo could recover Leonardo was on top of him pinning him to the ground, glaring down at him. Michelangelo had come in with more than a few bruises that day - Leonardo didn't have a mark on him.

"So how about using that famous focus of yours to come back to us?" Michelangelo pleaded.

"Ha," Raphael snapped. We all looked at him. He had his arms crossed and a grim smile slid across his face - but it was wrong, it pinched his cheeks and didn't reach his eyes. "If you ask me Leo's not coming back because he's afraid."

Michelangelo stiffened and Donatello frowned at him. Neither of them heard the pain and fear behind those hot words. Raphael's mask was cracking and this was the only way he knew to fight back the emotions that he always tried so hard to avoid.

"No one asked you!" Michelangelo snapped back hotly, rising swiftly to his feet and pointing an accusing finger at Raphael.

Raphael brushed past him and towered over Leonardo, glaring down at him, his hands clenched to fists at his sides. "You know he got his butt whooped and now he's too chicken to come back and face it!" Raphael continued , ignoring the looks of disbelief and anger on his brothers' faces.

"That's enough, Raph!" Donatello said, for once not his calm collected self. He placed a restraining hand on Raphael's shoulder but Raphael shook it off. I saw Michelangelo look at me from the corner of his eye, as if wondering why I wasn't stepping forward to stop Raphael from yelling at Leonardo, but I knew better than to stop him. If I did it would only make things worse. They might not hear the pain and fear behind those words but I could. So instead I waited.

"Well I say who needs ya?" Raphael growled, his shoulders stiffening a little when Leonardo's teeth ground together and his breath escape on a strained exhale at those words. "It's not like we can't get on without you playin' _'fearless leader'." _

Raphael faltered, his words choking off as his anger drained out of him quickly. The grief and fear of loosing Leonardo for once over powering his anger. His shoulders sagged and he dropped his head. I couldn't see his face from where I stood but from the slight quivering of his hands and neck I could've sworn that Raphael was fighting back tears.

"Back in the day I always thought I was gonna be top turtle," Raphael said after several long seconds of silence. Donatello and Michelangelo's expressions both changed from heated anger to worry in half a second. They saw it now - saw the depth of Raphael's pain.

"I was strongest, bravest," Raphael continued ignoring us as if we were no more alive than the paint on the walls. It was easier for him this way I knew. To pretend that we weren't here while his emotions overwhelmed him. We all waited in silence, our breathing almost inaudible over the crackle of the flames in the fireplace. "Remember the time I brought you to that closed off section of the sewer? We were playin' follow the leader..."

* * *

"I don't even know why I told ya that story," Raphael said quickly, a little of the heat returning to his voice. But his body didn't have the same response. It sagged even further and he looked away from Leonardo, as if unable to look at him. "I guess you just...I mean...what I'm trying to say is..." He couldn't finish. His body sagged a little and he lifted on hand to his face, trying to hide it from all of us.

Leonardo groaned again and rolled his head quickly from side to side, his only way of letting us know that he was still there - that he _could _hear us.

I stepped forward now and placed a hand on Raphael's shoulder, trying to comfort him. I could see the single tear slip out from underneath his closed eyelid and slip into his mask, making the material stick to his skin. "Your brother hears you, Raphael, he understands."

Though Raphael had never finished what he was trying to say, Leonardo had gotten it - as I knew he would. Raphael might not always get along with him, but he loved Leonardo. To loose him would take a toll so great on Raphael that he might not ever be able to overcome it.

Raphael pulled away from my touch and I didn't stop him. Instead I watched with sad eyes while Raphael walked over to the window and leaned his head against the cool glass. He seemed to be looking out at the snow storm for a minute, but then he lifted his hand to his face again and I knew it was just to get away from us as he tried to control his grief. _Tried _to but couldn't.

* * *

It seemed like a very long time passed before Raphael pulled away from the window and joined us again, but even then he just stood behind the couch and stared out the window there, watching as the snow continued to blanket everything in white. The moon peeked through the thick veil of clouds, and for an instant everything sparkled as the light touched the glistening crystals, but then the clouds shifted and the moon was gone again.

I took my place next to Leonardo's head again and I was surprised to see beads of sweat glistening Leonardo's brow. His forehead was furrowed and a frown pulled down the corners of his mouth. Was he waking up? I felt something inside me flutter. But I knew Leonardo was far from coming back to us yet. He was fighting a battle inside of himself, the desire of returning to us was loosing to the fear he had faced when he'd gone up against those unbeatable odds and lost. I'd have to make him fight harder, make his desire to live stronger than his fear of loosing again. But how?

"Leonardo, my son," I began, not quite sure where I was going to go with this, but knowing I had to try. "You must gather all your strength and confront your fear. Just as you did many years ago." I placed my hand on Leonardo's now warm forehead and could feel the pulse of his heart underneath the thin membrane of his skin. It was stronger and steadier now, his breathing had stopped coming in such strained gasps. I felt hope and strength renew me and I let those feelings sink in, hoping that they would flow into Leonardo as well.

"Come on, Sensei," Raphael said skeptically as he turned away from the window. He looked at me disbelieving. "Leo's never been afraid of nothin' in his life."

That wasn't true. All of my son's had been afraid of something at one time or another. I knew that Leonardo still had fears he faced every day. He just hid those feelings well, protecting his brothers from them. But when he was a child he'd been unable to mask those fears from me and I'd discovered one day when we'd gone out to gather up food and supplies together.

"Not true, my son," I said with a slight shake of my head and I smiled a little to myself as I now knew how to get through to Leonardo, to make him see that he _did _have the strength to do this - to fight this new fear. "Do you recall, Leonardo, our early days? We were scavenging for food and supplies..."

* * *

Leonardo had conquered his fears then - he'd focused on the task at hand. In that case saving me. Although I'd been able to save myself at anytime, though he had not known that until afterward. He'd looked up at me in disbelief, questions in his eyes. I'd smiled down at him as I wound the rope up into a coil once again.

_'But you could've saved yourself at any time.'_

_'And you would still be consumed by your fear - by focusing on the task at hand you were able to clear your mind of all distractions.' _

It had worked then - so it should work now.

"Do so again, ignore the fear, my son," I said confidently as I looked down at Leonardo's face. It wasn't so peaceful now - in fact it was tight and hard. His jaw and teeth were clenched and his breathing was a little sharper, coming in soft pants. More sweat beaded on his head and rolled down into his mask. Whatever internal battle he was fighting he was fighting it hard.

"Let your spirit heal," I continued letting my voice be as soothing as I could make it. "Find your way home - return to us."

Leonardo's face relaxed then and he groaned quietly for a few seconds before going still again.

From behind me Michelangelo inhaled sharply and I could feel the tension from where I was kneeling on the floor. Raphael stepped away from the window he'd moved to while I'd retold the story to Leonardo and now he watched beside his brothers, just as tense and worried as they were.

"Is he..." Michelangelo asked his voice breaking with the strain and fear that radiated from him.

But I knew Leonardo wasn't gone - hadn't given up on us. Hadn't stopped fighting. I waited patiently while Leonardo broke through the fear that was holding him back. And I was rewarded.

"No...fear..." Leonardo gasped and then a few seconds later his eyelids pulled apart and he looked up at us.

Cheers from his brothers erupted, all three of them calling out his name with delight and relief. Casey and April were silent, I didn't see what they were doing. I didn't look away from Leonardo, who in turn was looking at me. A single tear escaped from my eye and I wiped it away with one finger as I smiled down at my son. It had taken a lot of courage and strength to overcome what Leonardo had just overcome and I was so proud of him. He wasn't fully healed yet, but the danger had passed.

"Uh, sorry," Casey said suddenly from behind me, sounding very awkward.

"Right," April agreed, sounding just as embarrassed.

"We thought you were gone, bro," Raphael said his voice suddenly bright and I glanced over to see Michelangelo, Donatello, and Raphael all beaming at Leonardo.

Leonardo returned their smile and his voice cracked a little with disuse he answered him. "I...was...but you brought me back - all of you." He closed his eyes for a brief second and then opened them again. I could see he was fatigued. Although he'd been unconscious for the better part of the day he hadn't really been resting- he'd been fighting for his life and that would be enough to wear out anyone. He needed more rest, and he'd do that better if we weren't all sitting around staring at him.

"You fought your way back, my son," I corrected as I stood up and placed a hand on Leonardo's plastron. He smiled a little at the touch and looked up at me with soft warm eyes. "You have done well."

He knew that but still he looked relieved to hear it. "Thank you, Sensei."

Then with a quiet sigh he turned his head away from me, a smile on his lips and let his eyes close again. His breathing quickly evened out as unconsciousness, the healing kind this time, took him. And yet even in his sleep his smile didn't fade. I smiled down at him for half a second.

"The danger is past," I said feeling the relief at those words as I turned away from him. I turned back to the others, all who smiled back at me - relief in their eyes as well. "Now we must let him rest."

They took the hint. I started to leave the room and they all followed me, not saying a word. But then again we didn't need to.

As I reached the bottom of the stairs Raphael's voice made me pause.

"Hey, Leo," Raphael said as he looked at Leonardo over his shoulder. "If you need anything I'll be right outside."

I smiled and started up the stairs as I heard Leonardo sigh contentedly in his sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Friday is technically the weekend isn't it? That's when the weekend starts for most people anyway. My weekend doesn't start until my shift ends Saturday afternoons, but I don't think I'm going to have the time to post this chapter later this weekend after all. So I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend, and to start it off with...Leonardo's chapter.

When I first started this story I wasn't planning on writing this chapter, I'd never intended to do Leo's POV because it has been done several times already. It kind of felt like beating a dead horse to me - so I'd intended to end this story with Splinter. But when I was first asked if I would write Leo's POV an idea came to me, as they often do and even though I wasn't at my computer at the time I had the beginning of Leo's POV already being written in my head. So when I got home that day I immediately began to flesh out this chapter. It came a lot easier to me than some of the others have, as to why that is I have no idea. But apparently I wouldn't have been satisfied and wouldn't have felt that I didn't give these wonderful characters justice if I hadn't done Leo's story as well.

Thank you again to my readers, your reviews and PM's have meant so much to me. Hopefully I'll dive back into the TMNT world soon.

* * *

Chapter 5: Leonardo

I wasn't quite sure where I was, except for the fact that I knew that I'd never been here before. From what I could make out I was in a very long tunnel, but I wasn't afraid. It was peaceful here, and I was at ease. I could even see the ends of the tunnel, both of them had lights, one brighter than the other and I knew I could choose either one to leave the safe comfort of my new haven, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to.

The light to my right was brighter, it's light warm and comforting. Beckoning to me - promising me rest and peace forever. Somewhere that I wouldn't have to keep fighting, where I wouldn't have to shoulder responsibility, fear, or anything else ever again. Just complete and utter peace of mind for eternity. It was tempting, and I longed to go there but I didn't move.

From my left the light was duller, not quite as promising, but the pull was stronger. It seemed to be more urgent that I go towards that light, although I wasn't quite sure why. There didn't seem anything important enough for me to go that way. Back to the pain, the hurt, the_ fear_.

And there _was_ fear and there was pain. In fact the pain was consuming my body now, although I couldn't really see my body. It was too dark to really see anything besides the two distant lights at either end of the tunnel. But I knew I had a body - and I knew I wasn't dead. Death should not be this uncomfortable.

My chest ached with every breath I took, my head felt like I'd taken a header into a stone wall and every inch of my legs and arms hurt. I tried to take shallower breaths, but even that didn't ease the pain that was ravaging from the inside out. I squeezed my eyes shut, and was surprised that I could. But it felt nice. With my eyes closed I could ignore the lights, ignore the pain, ignore everything. I didn't want to feel anything.

I could still hear though, nothing could block out the sound of my own breath rasping in my ears or my heartbeat as it thudded softly in my chest. I knew that it was slower than usual. I could feel it. And on some level I knew I was dying, but I didn't understand why that didn't bother me. I didn't want to die..._did I_?

There was a reason I wanted to fight death, to go back to the dull light that was pulling at me, trying to get me to come back, but I couldn't remember what was so important there. Who I was fighting for - or even if it was worth it. It was so peaceful here and the pain was beginning to dull. I wiggled my fingers and toes and it brought me no pain. I sighed in relief.

I wasn't sure how long I'd been here, but it didn't seem like very long when I heard the voices. They sounded strange, coming in and out of focus like something one would get on a bad radio station. I automatically tried to focus harder, tried to hear what the voices were saying, suddenly getting the feeling that I had to know because on some level I knew it was important.

"...make it..."

"...time...tell..."

I knew those voices! I recognized them now. My body shook with fear and joy as those memories of my family jolted through me. Were they ok? Did we make it out? Were they hurt? Did Shredder's foot ninja get them_ too?_

I got to my feet, feeling the urgency to make it to that dull light - to make sure that my family was alive, that they were all ok!

The pain crippled me and I fell to my knees, my body not so numb anymore. I gasped as the pain rocked through my chest, knocking the breath out of me, and I clutched at my plastron desperately, trying to dispel some of the pain that coursed through my whole body.

What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I move? Why was I in so much pain. I tried to remember, forcing my mind to fight back the blackness so I could recall the memories. I needed to understand.

But then I did - and I wished I hadn't. My morning run, ambushed, fighting foot ninja, foot tech, Hun, and even some I'd never seen before. And I'd _lost_.

My body suddenly felt very heavy, and it weighed me down, dragging me to the earth, and I wished it would swallow me. I'd failed. I hadn't been able to protect my family - hadn't been able to get back and warn them. And I'd lost my swords! My _katanas_. The weapons that felt more apart of me than almost anything else, I felt stripped bare without them. What had happened to them when I'd lost them? Had some stranger found them? Had Shredder gotten them?

He'd been there too - I remembered him now. He'd been stand still and silent, his body silhouetted against the dark clouds as lightning split the sky. It was impossible - he couldn't be alive, and yet he was.

I'd tried to warn them, had fought the wave of blackness that had threatened to blanket over me until they knew. Because if they didn't know they would be worse off than I already was. Raph had been angry - and worse than that he'd been scared. He'd gripped my shoulder tightly in his hand tried to keep me with him just by keeping a tight hold on me. I hadn't been able to fight the blackness - it was too strong. But I'd gotten the words out. I succeeded in warning them before the blackness took me.

I clutched at my sides and lifted my head staring ahead at the dull light that seemed to be a million miles away. How was I going to make it back to my family when I couldn't even move? I reached out a hand, stretching it as far as I could towards the light and cried out as the pain in my chest doubled.

I ground my teeth together and pushed myself up on my knees, focusing on keeping myself together enough so I could make it out of here. My legs shook beneath me as I slowly struggled to my feet and I took two small steps, my legs trembling so hard beneath me I was surprised they didn't collapse from my weight. I took another couple of steps and groaned as the pain weighed down on me.

"Leo?" Donnie's voice echoed back to me, bouncing off the tunnel's walls so that his voice was amplified a thousand times. It was filled with hope but terrified at the same time.

"Donnie?" I answered, my voice weak, barely more than a whisper. I reached my hand out again, as if expecting him to materialize before my eyes, but of course he didn't. My hand dropped, my arm was too heavy and I leaned against the wall, panting, each breath seemed to be more difficult. Why was it so hard to breathe? To move? Why did I feel so heavy? I dropped my head back and closed my eyes so I wouldn't have to stare at the black ceiling above me. Everything inside of me screamed at me to keep going, to not stop. But I was too tired, too heavy. And it hurt.

My legs gave out from beneath me and I sank back into the blackness around me. I kept my eyes closed so I wouldn't have to see the light where Donnie waited and know that I'd failed again.

* * *

I think I fell asleep, but I wasn't sure. I knew I'd lost track of some time either way because I had the feeling that several hours had passed, but I wasn't at all aware of what I'd done during those hours. I opened my eyes and blinked into the blackness. The light on the right, the brighter one was even more radiant now and its light brightened the tunnel, brightening the darkest spots as its light extended towards me, the warmth and promise of release was almost irresistible now.

I pushed myself up into a sitting position as I looked at the light, finding strength coming from it, and suddenly I found I had the energy to stand up, to walk - to move. I wanted to go towards that light, the other dimmer light already forgotten.

I stepped towards the light, my legs steady, the pain that had wracked my body earlier forgotten. The light was so pretty. So mesmerizing.

"Why won't he wake up?"

I turned, startled and my eyes widened in shock. I knew that voice! I'd recognize it anywhere.

"Raph?" I whispered as I turned away from the bright light and back towards the dull almost invisible light at the far end of the tunnel, it's light so dim that I had to squint to see it - it was still there, but just barely. Was Raph in here too? Was he hurt? Was he looking for me? I took a step away from the brilliant light and back towards the light where Raph's voice was coming from.

The voices started again, but they still sounded muffled and faded in an out like a badly tuned radio. But I followed them this time, recognizing the voices of my family. _My family_! They were the reason to keep fighting, to deal with the pain.

My body shook as I left the warmth the bright light had given in its glow and the pain slowly began to return. I ignored it now - nothing was more important than my family.

"Do you think he can hear us?" Donnie's voice echoed back to me from the end of the tunnel now.

"Yes, Donnie," I gasped as I took another step towards their voices. "I hear you."

Pain shot through my torso, working it's way up through my shoulders and neck, my legs shook as the pain began to overwhelm me.

"Hey, Leo, it's me Don," Donnie's voice came again, sounding louder this time and I grabbed onto the strength Don put behind his voice, trying to harness it into myself to give me the strength I needed to keep going.

"You're going to pull through this," Donnie said confidently, he sounded so sure of himself. It gave me strength. Maybe I could pull through this. I struggled to keep going. But my weak body resisted, I cried out but no one seemed to hear me.

"I know you are," Donnie's voice was fading now and I felt myself start to sink into the blackness again, the devastation of my failure overwhelming me. "You have to."

"I can't," I whispered as I gasped against the pain my whole body trembling with it. I blinked back the tears of frustration and glared at the light that seemed to be a million miles away. "I can't do it, Donnie."

My whole body was fighting against me, yearning to go back to that welcoming brighter light. The one that promised no pain, no fear. Just peace.

"You know what kind of trouble we'd get into without you," Donnie's voice was barely audible now, and the dull light was beginning to fade into the distance - and no matter how hard I stared at it it continued to fade. Almost like cupping water in one's hands, no matter how tightly you squeeze your fingers it will always slip between the cracks. My breath caught in my throat and I let out a desperate sob as the light twinkled faintly then went out and the voices disappeared. And once again I was alone.

* * *

I'd never been so alone in my life. I'd always had my brothers or Master Splinter nearby. But now I was completely and utterly alone. I wasn't sure if I liked it. I sat in the dark tunnel, staring at the light to my right, well, glaring at it more like. I didn't want to go there now, I wanted to go back to my brothers, to Splinter. But I wasn't sure how. Without that second light to guide me I wasn't sure I could make it.

I wasn't ready to die, and I didn't want to do that to my family. To leave them like this. What would it do to them? To Donnie and Mikey? To Master Splinter? Or Raph? I squeezed my eyes closed and a single tear slid down into my mask. If I gave up, stopped fighting it would destroy my family. They'd fall apart. _They needed me!_

I opened my eyes again and ground my jaw - I'd have to get back to them somehow. But right now I wasn't quite sure how to do that. The tunnel was so long and the end where their voices had come from earlier was so dark. How was I supposed to find my way back now?

I drew in a sharp breath and held it, clamping my hands together and closed my eyes together in concentration. If I was going to make it back to my family I'd need to focus on finding a way back to them. Master Splinter had always taught us that true strength comes from within. I might need my family's help to get back to them, but I couldn't depend on them alone.

"You really came through for me..." Donnie's voice started to fade in and out of focus again and I opened one eye in disbelief.

On my right the bright light, while not dimming at all, had shrunk into the distance, its warmth not quite as welcoming as it had been before. The light to my left had grown, and was now warmer, more inviting. I stood up - ignoring the pain the movement brought with it.

"Ha," Raph's voice echoed back to me and I felt the corner of my mouth twitch.

"Raph?" I gasped as I took a step towards the light.

"Looks like you've got him hanging on your every word, Don," Raph said sarcastically.

"Raph," I breathed as I wrapped my arm around my plastron, trying to suppress some of the pain with the gesture. It didn't help at all, but I didn't drop my arm either. I groaned as another wave of pain hit me and I leaned against the wall to help support my weight.

"Hey, I think he heard you, Raphie."

_Casey_! That was Casey's voice!

"Maybe talking to him does help."

_April_? She was here too? So was everyone ok then. I sighed in relief and allowed myself to catch my breath while trying to push down the pain.

"It is said that the voice of a loved one can help guide a lost spirit back to its home." Splinter's voice was warm and familiar.

The light ahead of me brightened as he spoke and I found the strength to keep going.

_Sensei_.

"I'm coming, Master Splinter," I whispered as I pushed away from the wall and started forward again. "I'm coming."

* * *

When had the blackness come back? When had the voices faded? I wasn't sure. But the first thing I was aware of was the heaviness of my body. I blinked my eyes open again and stared up at the endless blackness above me. The light where the voices were coming from was closer now. I'd made good progress before the pain had hit and I'd fallen. I didn't remember too much after that.

"Leo," Mikey's voice was uncharacteristically sober and my eyes widened a little in shock. "When you put your mind to something your unstoppable. So how about using that famous focus of yours to come back to us?"

I ground my jaw. "I'm trying, Mikey," I tried to say but my throat seemed swollen. My mouth was dry and felt as though I'd stuffed cotton balls in it.

"Ha," Raph said on a sharp exhale. The sound echoed around me. I clung to it. "You ask me Leo's not coming back because he's afraid."

_Afraid_? Was I afraid? I closed my eyes and the foot elite immediately jumped behind my closed lids, their eyes hidden beneath their large hats, their bodies tense, their weapons poised. I gasped and my eyes shot open. My body recoiled and my knees gave out from under me. _The foot, my katanas_.

I remembered fighting against the four of them at once - I'd faced worst odds than that before. But this time was different. These four were more skilled, more coordinated. More precise in their attacks. They struck without mercy, each of their attacks hitting home. I'd felt every slice and beating as each of their weapons reined down on me, I'd been unable to fend them all off at once. But I'd refused to give up. I'd been so close. _So close _to making it back - back to my brothers. But then a heavy blow to the face had thrown me off balance and I'd been flying. It had seemed like forever that I fell backwards and then my fall was broken by shattering glass that had sliced into my skin, tearing at my already battered body and then I hit the floor and I barely remembered anything else until I woke up here.

"Well I say who needs ya!" Raph snapped angrily, his voice seemed amplified in here, the words echoing a thousand times so they repeated over and over again. Drilling into my brain. I clenched my jaw and glared down at my feet.

He was right. They didn't need me. They didn't need someone who failed, who'd had his shell handed to him.

"It's not like we can't get on without you playin' 'fearless leader'," Raph's voice cracked on the familiar but hated nickname. I didn't like when he called me that.

I lifted my head surprised at the change in Raph's voice. He sounded upset. Almost as if he was..._crying_. But Raph never cried. He never showed any emotion except for anger. Well, no that wasn't true I corrected myself. I'd seen the more sensitive side of Raph. It always came out when one of us was...hurt. My eyes widened in shock and I stumbled to my feet again. Was I so badly hurt that it had sparked this kind of reaction in Raph?

I had to come back for him - I couldn't let him face this alone. I could tell, despite his bravado and angry words that he didn't mean them. He needed me. They all did. And I wasn't going to let them down. I couldn't do that to my family. I knew deep down inside of me that if I gave up then our whole family would fall. If one of us did we all did. I ground my jaw, clenched my hands into fists and ignoring the crippling pain stepped towards the light.

* * *

I was suddenly very hot and something was weighing me down. I didn't know what it was but it was impossible to move. Sweat dewed on my face, soaking into my mask and running down my neck. Why was it so hot in here? Why did I feel weighed down? Why couldn't I see the light? It was so dark here.

_Splinter. _Where was Master Splinter? He'd been there, I know he'd been there. He hadn't left me since I'd gone through that window. True he might not have been right by my side but he'd never been far. But I couldn't find him now. I floundered around inside my own head, panic shooting another burst of adrenaline through my body. Every inch of my body hurt, my head pounded in time with my heart beat, my chest ached with every breath and my arms and legs throbbed.

Mini flashes skipped across my memory but I couldn't grasp them. I squeezed my eyes tighter and ground my jaw, ignoring the ache the movement brought. I needed to focus - remember!

The sounds of my brothers fighting the foot, bones crunching, flesh hitting flesh, display cases breaking as bodies were hurled into them. They had needed my help, they couldn't win this fight without me - and here I was lying flat on my shell with April's arms wrapped around me, trying to protect me with her frail delicate body. I blinked my eyes open and gritted my teeth, the muscles in my body jerked reflexively as I tried to remember how to use them.

Pain was my constant companion - I used that to my advantage harnessing it, using it. I struggled to my feet, my knees shaking, my legs trembling, the pain became overwhelming. I couldn't straighten up, I could only stand up half hunched over my legs, my breathing coming in sharp gasps that made my eyes tear up. I blinked them back, angry with myself for not being able to control my own body better.

_'Mikey, look!'_

_'Leo!' _

Mikey hadn't sounded like himself, he sounded _worried_.

_'Leo, you can't do this.'_

I scowled as I remembered April telling me I couldn't do this - that I _couldn't _protect my family. I ignored her as I tried to straighten up again, but once again my body protested the movement.

_'I have to - they need my help.' _

And then my body had betrayed me - the last thing I had to stand between my family and the evil that threatened to take us down. My knees gave out, and I automatically threw my hands out to catch me as I fell. Pain shot through my arms and nearly buckled under my weight. I kept my elbows locked and was able to stop myself from face planting. I could feel April behind, hovering just behind my shell, her hands hovering helplessly over me. And then the shadow fell over me, blocking out what faint light was coming from overhead. I'd looked up and felt my jaw drop a little as Shredder loomed over me, his arm raised above his head, his gauntlet raised for the killing blow. I was frozen, I couldn't even close my eyes...

And then Splinter had been there. Somehow he was always there. So where was he now? I fought the blackness that blanketed me, searching, wanting to reach out. But something was weighing me down, holding me back. My chest ached as I fought for air - but I couldn't seem to get enough. I felt like I was suffocating. The blackness was crushing me, squeezing the life out of me. It was too heavy - and I wasn't strong enough to fight it back anymore. I was going to loose. I was going to _fail. _Again I was going to let my family down. The weight in the truth of that thought was enough to beat me down even lower and the blackness dropped more heavily on top of me. I didn't fight it anymore. It was an unstoppable opponent, and sometimes when the odds are too great it is best to not even begin. I'd been out matched in this fight from the get go - so why keep fighting?

And then he was there. I could feel him. Could sense his warmth, his strength. The sweet scent of his fur filled the air around me, giving me hope. I breathed and found that it didn't hurt as much. Master Splinter was close, close enough to touch...if only I could reach far enough. I tried to lift my arm - but it was too heavy. Instead I breathed, just breathed and found with each breath that the weight on my chest eased a little. My body relaxed as the pressure began to disappear.

"Leonardo, my son, you must gather all your strength and confront your fear." Splinter's voice came from right beside me, and I found that knowing he was close was not enough. I wanted to _see _him _touch _him.

But something was wrong. I couldn't move - I was frozen, trapped inside my own body. I scrambled around deserately inside of myself trying to remember how to make my body work.

A warm furry familiar hand rested on my forehead and I relished in the physical contact, savoring in the strength and warmth that came with it. I didn't ever want him to let go. Something was holding me back, stopping me from coming back to them, but I couldn't grab a hold of what it was.

I used my other senses to try and gather where I was. I could hear the sounds of steady breathing coming from all around me and something soft and yielding underneath me. Was I on a bed? Were we back at the lair? I didn't think so - this place didn't feel familiar. From somewhere in the room a fire cracked and popped.

"...many years ago," Sensei said quietly and I forced myself to focus on his voice again, having missed most of what he'd just said.

"Come on, Sensei," Raph said from somewhere close by and Splinter's hand left my forehead. I instantly felt cold again, and longed for his hand to return. "Leo's never been afraid of nothin' in his life."

Raph? I wanted to see him. To make sure he was ok. Where were Don and Mikey? Where they here too? Was everyone ok? What about April - and I thought Casey had shown up, but I couldn't remember too well. My head began to ache with my heartbeat and I stopped trying to drag up the memories. It hurt too much.

"Not true my son." Splinter contradicted Raph, and I knew Splinter was right. There were a lot of things I was afraid of, I never showed them, but it didn't mean they didn't exist. "Do you recall, Leonardo, our early days...?"

Of course I did, my brothers and I had all been afraid of something when were little, just like kids were. For Mikey it had been fear of the dark - but for me...I'd been afraid of heights. They'd made me dizzy and nauseated. I'd hyperventilate and loose my balance, usually ended up on my shell.

Splinter had worked with me for a long time trying to help me over come my fear. But even with all the extra training I put it, I just hadn't been able to get over how the world spun around me when the ground was so far below me. I often did whatever I had to to avoid going to high places, and it had worked up until one day that Splinter had taken me out alone...

I hadn't realized it then, but Splinter had feigned getting in trouble and I'd seen no choice but to go up after him and save him. I'd been terrified the whole time, my legs shaking around the pipe that I'd so desperately clung to as I slid slowly towards the end where Splinter's robe had caught, just barely able to keep him from plunging into the raging waters below.

After I'd rescued him Splinter had swung both of us to safety and I'd stared at him in disbelief. He'd faked being in trouble - he could have saved himself at anytime, but he'd wanted to me save him. I hadn't understood why. I still remember feeling the confusion on my face as I'd asked him.

_'But you could have saved yourself at any time.'_

_'And you'd still be consumed by your fear. By focusing on the task at hand you were able to clear your mind of all distractions.' _

Splinter had taught me a valuable lesson that day. That anything can be over come if one sets one's mind to it. All you had to do was focus on what had to be done and ignore everything else.

I'd done my best to do just that when I'd been confronted by the foot while out on my run. I'd focused on trying to get back to April's, to get back to my family. But I couldn't ignore the distractions as I went because the distractions had been doing their best to break me.

And I had broken. I'd been sore, fatigued, and weary by the time I'd come face to face with the foot elite. I'd already been battling the foot, foot techs, and Hun and my body was protesting the strenuous amount of physical activity. My legs ached and shook, barely able to hold me up. My arms were aching and my chest burned as I fought to drag more air into my lungs.

My morning run back to April's had worn me out and the physical battering wasn't helping. I'd kept my promise to Splinter, I hadn't gone down to investigate the sewers without my brothers, but in the end I didn't have to. I'd been ambushed, outnumbered, and had never felt more alone. I'd wondered briefly whether my brothers had taken notice of my long absence, surely they knew I wasn't usually gone this long on my runs and they'd be out looking for me. But a smaller part of me hoped that they were still safe at April's.

My heart had thudded painfully in my chest and I'd almost cried out in relief when I saw the familiar building just a block away and I'd picked up the pace, but then I'd had to stop again. I couldn't run anymore. I'd watched in helpless frustration while the foot, foot techs, and Hun caught up with me. They wouldn't let me go without a fight and I couldn't get back to my brothers if I couldn't get away. So despite my weariness I'd drawn up my last energy reserves from places I didn't even know I had and I fought the best I could. I would _not_ let my family down. Not when I was _this _close!

And for a minute I thought I'd done it, but then things changed. The elite were unlike any I'd ever faced before. Fast, furious, and incredibly skilled. I'd fought with everything I'd had but it hadn't been enough. They'd beaten me down, hit after hit took it's toll and I'd dropped, gasping as the rain trickled over my body, washing the sweat from my body. I couldn't draw in enough air and every muscle in me ached for a break. But I couldn't have that - not now. I could hear their capes whipping around in the wind, they stood in a circle around me, waiting for me to move.

It made me angry. They were taunting me! _Playing_ with me. I'd growled and forced myself to try again, once again taking all four of them on at once, ignoring it when their weapons hit their mark time and time again. I couldn't afford to be weak, couldn't afford to loose. My family needed me to win - if I lost my family would never know what happened to me...

But then something heavy hit me in the face and I'd lost my balance. The terrifying feeling of falling made me dizzy and I cried out as my katanas flew out of my hands and disappeared into the rain.

I slowly drew in a deep breath and forced my racing heart to slow. I'd lost my swords, my katanas. It felt like loosing a limb.

Splinter was talking again and I pushed aside the dark memories, clamping my jaw shut and grinding my teeth as I tried to focus on what he was saying.

"Do so again," Splinter's voice had an urgent tone to it and I felt something inside of me cracking at the pain in his voice. "Ignore the fear, my son, let your spirit heal. Find your way home - return to us."

_Ignore the fear_? How was I supposed to ignore it? And how was I supposed to fight the weight that was my body? I floundered around inside my own head, pushing away the dark memories of my defeat against the elite guards, of my lost katanas, of my failure to protect my family and instead focused on the strength I could feel emanating from Splinter. I grabbed onto that and held tight. I _wouldn't_ let my family down again.

An odd dry cracking sound echoed in my ears and I was shocked to realize that it had come from me. I'd _groaned_. Groaning was good! If I could groan I could open my eyes. I focused on lifting my heavy lids, struggling against the weight the held each one down. I groaned again against the struggle, they were just so heavy.

"Is he...?" Mikey asked his voice full of worry.

_Mikey_? Was he hurt? I had to know, had to see for myself to make sure that my family was ok. I unclamped my teeth and pushed down the fear and suddenly found that I remembered how to work my body. The fear clawed at me, threatening to blanket over me again - but I couldn't afford it to take me.

"No - fear," I ground out between clenched teeth. I was stronger than my fear, I _could _over come it. And I was determined that I would. And then there was light, flickering against the walls - reflected from the fire's glow. But it was light. Not the same as it had been in the tunnel but this was warmer, more peaceful somehow. I turned my head to see my family and friends staring at me.

Raph, Donnie, and Mikey all had their mouths hanging open and their eyes wide with shock and disbelief. But their expressions quickly changed into relief and joy. Donnie and Mikey turned to each other, grabbing each other's shoulders and grinned widely at the other. Raph's face too split into a wide grin and he raised his fisted hands in triumph crying out my name while Donnie and Mikey yelled out their delight. Casey and April, standing just behind Splinter turned and embraced. Splinter standing right next to me wiped a tear away from under his eye. I felt a sharp pang in my stomach, as if I'd just taken a punch to the gut. I'd never seen Sensei cry before.

At that moment Casey seemed to realize that he had April wrapped up in his arms and he drew back awkwardly. "Uh, sorry," he stammered a little pink in the face.

April and Casey dropped their arms from each other at the same time and April twisted her arms in front of her, as if trying to stop them from reaching for him again. "Right," she agreed quickly, her cheeks too a little pink.

"We thought you were gone, bro," Raph said drawing my attention back to my brothers.

They all stood side by side, Mikey grinning from ear to ear looking like he'd never stop smiling. Donnie too was smiling but it was a smug smile as if he'd known all along that I'd pull through. Raph, well his expression was something I'd never seen before. Pure relief and exaltation, he smiled at me in pure relief. And again I felt the pang of guilt, a guilt for almost leaving them behind forever. How could I have even thought about taking the easy way out?

The fight back had been hard and my body ached for the blessed relief of unconsciousness. Not the fighting for my life unconsciousness but the restful healing kind. My body sagged a little but I returned my brothers' smiles with one of my own, weak as it was.

"I was," I admitted after a short pause as I gripped at the blanket that someone had covered me with. "But you brought me back," I closed my eyes and my smile widened as I remembered how I'd followed their voices down the dark tunnel, back home where I belonged. "All of you."

"You fought your way back, my son," Splinter said with a look of pride in his eyes and his voice firm with his absolution. I looked up at him with a shy smile and he smiled back at me, his eyes softening a little as he looked at me. He rested his hand on my plastron and once again I relished in the physical contact between us. The warmth spread through me, and I felt my body relax against it. "You have done well."

He sounded so proud of me.

"Thank you, Sensei," I whispered and then I felt the last of my energy disappear and the edges of my vision began to gray out. I sighed content and turned my head away, letting my eyes close and I let the darkness have me.

This time it was peaceful and relaxed and I was happy to be here. But I could have sworn as I drifted off into oblivion that I heard Raph's voice, although it sounded far away. But still the sound of it warmed me, made me feel comforted and safe.

"Hey, Leo, if you need anything I'll be right outside."

And then all was quiet.

The End

* * *

Well this concludes my first dive into the TMNT world of fan fiction. I hope that I did the characters justice for everyone. I know that I certainly enjoyed writing this story - even with as hard as it was at times to make the story line as original as I could even though the story basically repeated over and over. It was by far a greater challenge than I had expected, but I'm very pleased with how it turned out in the end. I hope that you guys enjoyed this final chapter, I tried to make it as original as I could while adding my own special twist to it.

And I'd like to say once again thank you so much for those who've taken the time to leave reviews or PM's. If no one had bothered to let me know that they were interested enough to read this than I probably wouldn't have continued it. I started this for fun, but I finished it for my readers. Thank you again for your support your reviews have given me that extra boost of confidence I needed to make me want to return to the TMNT fan fiction world soon. I look forward to doing this again and I hope to see some of you there. But until then...thank you.


End file.
